We all try to be the best parent we can be for our child, but when we are using passive-aggressive behavior isms, we could be passing on a personality trait that we do not want to. I know that I am not perfect, when it comes to passive-aggressive behaviors. Here are a few of the mistakes I have made.
1) When it comes to my daughter asking me for something, I have a tendency to procrastinate on getting the requested item for her. I work long hours and also study for college courses, so I am usually tired and procrastinate on small things. I have found that the best way to combat this passive.
2) I have on a few occasions been very irritable, because of something that went wrong at work or during an assignment for school. I also tend to outwardly push that irritability to anyone who is around me, including my daughter. I have found for this to be a hard one to overcome, but it is not impossible. I found that the best way for me to overcome it is to write what bothered me in a journal, and then I throw that page away. Through doing this I am telling myself that this problem is not in control of me.
3) I am and have always been a very stubborn person. I have also been the one on a few occasions to argue with a three year old over dinner. She wants ravioli, but mommy wants a decent family dinner. I found that the easiest way for me to handle this issue without becoming passive-aggressive and having a three hour argument is to sometimes let her help decide between different items that are tings we both like.
4) I have a few times been forgetful about things that I have said or promised to her, and I know that is very wrong to do. I have found that the best way for me to not forget is to write it down and place the paper next to my computer, since half of my day is spent at the computer.
5) I complain when I feel that the work I do is unappreciated. I have a complained about stuff like that in front of m daughter on a few occasions. I have found that the best way is to look for one positive thing that happened during the day and focus on that. This gets my mind off of feeling under appreciated.
6) I have also been known to make sarcastic statements to my daughter. I have found that if I talk to her like a little adult, I stop making sarcastic statements and talk to her in a way that is better for her.
7) I have even been known for being condescending to her. She is three years old and hates to clean her room, so I would become condescending in how I would tell her to get her room clean. I have found for this specific issue the best way to handle it is to ask her to help me clean her room.
8) I have also been on the opposite end of the spectrum. I have tried to avoid confrontations with my daughter by just giving her what she wants. I have found that the best way to handle this for me was to force myself to figure out what the consequences would be for saying yes, before I answer her. Example: If she wants tea at 6:00pm, the consequence would be that the caffeine would keep her awake until 10:00pm. I would then answer with an appropriate yes or no answer.
9) I can even admit to playing the role of the victim. I will tell her dad or grandmother that I can not keep her with me at the office, because she is not listening. Since I do what I can to avoid conflict, this makes it harder for me to be able to handle. I have learned to give her a time-out for five minutes and will then ask her why she went into time-out. She gives me the reason, and this has shown me that she does understand that she is doing wrong.
10) I am also constantly telling her that I can not do something that she wants to do, because I have a headache or upset stomach. This is wrong, because she looks up to me for love and support. by constantly pushing things she wants off, I am making her feel bad. I found that if I am sick, I can find other ways to deal with being sick then to deny her of something that she deserves to do.