“The Simpson’s” take a trip out of town to try to get a rare Happy Little Elves doll for Maggie, but on the return trip see Marge’s old house. After it’s revealed she was a stellar student before meeting Homer, Lisa fixates that she’ll end up failing to accomplish her dreams through distraction, and decides Springfield Elementary is the wrong school for her. Meanwhile, Bart must contend with the fact he’s inadvertently become the new school bully, and Nelson is seeking revenge.
Top 25 Quotes From “Lisa, This Isn’t Your Life”
“It’s Texxons’ way of saying, “sorry about the millions of dead pelicans.” Krusty explaining the new Happy Little Elves doll giveaway.
“No child of mine will go without anything ever! Except quality health care.” Homer vows to get the rarest toy for Maggie.
“I’m not cheap baby, I’m embarrassed to be seen with you. Big difference.” Moe corrects Selma’s assumption that he’s cheap on a date.
“Ain’t no glass!” A gas station attendant slaps Homer. “Sure it’s easy to slap people when you’re hiding behind that glass!” The gas station attendant slaps Homer again.
“I’m sorry Maggie, But I’m sure even at your age you can understand things can’t always go your way. And that’s why I CAN’T BELIEVE WE DIDN’T GET THAT STUPID ELF!” Homer yells after spending hundreds to try to get a rare Happy Little Elf for Maggie. Maggie consoles Homer.
“Where are we? I’ve never seen stores like these before.” Bart exclaims as they drive by a McDonalds.
“Well, as long we don’t have to feed this one!” The owner of Marge’s old house invites the family in. Homer whisper to Marge in response, “Tell her no deal.”
“Over the years, I’ve sure been tempted to go through this stuff. So I did! Many times.” The woman who owns Marge’s old home finds a box of her memorables in the attic.
“Lisa, one of the hardest jobs I have is throwing cold water on young children’s dreams. Ralph, you’re not a kangaroo!” Ralph cries in response to Principal Skinner’s admonition.
“Ralph! You’re also not a trophy.” Skinner finds Ralph behind a trophy case. Ralph cries again.
“What is troubling you, my son?” Homer stops and realizes he’s talking to Lisa. “I mean, my girl son?”
“It could be anything. Scrap booking, high-stakes poker, or the Santa Fe lifestyle. Just pick a dead-end and chill out ’till you die.” Homer attempts to lower Lisa’s expectations when she admits she’s worried she’ll become like her mother.
“How many jazz musicians led long and happy lives? There’s, um…” Lisa considers, before throwing her saxophone out of a window.
Homer attempts to explain why Lisa doesn’t want to become like Marge. “She does not want to… turn out like… you, didn’t… not until… diplomatic… trapped… help… remember nothing!” Homer then waves his arms dramatically and claps his hands.
“Well, if you check your purse, I think you’ll find… the seven of clubs!” Marge says she remembers everything upsetting Homer said, but he attempts to distract her again. He then tries to slip the card into her purse.
“You’re just imagining things.” Bart tells Lisa when she thinks Marge is being cold. “Oh yeah?” She replies. His lunch bag says “Bart” with a heart around it; Lisa’s says, “Contents: Lunch”
“What does your note say?” Bart asks, holding up an “I Love You” note from Marge. “The seven of clubs?” Lisa says, confused. Homer walks by, stating proudly, “Ta-da!”
“Nay, just keep studying! I’ll scream this out!” Willie tells Lisa in the library after a bad fall strains his back.
“Lord Buddha, I know I’m not supposed to want stuff. But c’mon!” Lisa prays after seeing a ritzy bus for the upscale Cloister’s Academy.
“I’ll study so hard I’ll make the old me look like Bart!” Lisa begs her parents. “That would be one weeeird looking kid.” Homer muses.
“Oh, no one plays. We just discuss the physics of the game.” A student at Cloisters invites new attendee Lisa to join the softball team.
“I thought we’d start the semester by turning this into a novel.” Lisa’s teacher suggests after reading her paper. “Self-published?” Lisa asks. “Real published.” Her teacher corrects her.
“And you always avoid the face around picture day. People appreciate that!” Bart compliments Nelson, trying to avoid being beat up. “Hey! Those memories are forever.” Nelson admits.
“Teachers teach so much better when they’re paid in money, not in chickens.” Lisa gushes about Cloisters to Homer.
“Did he take any money?” The gas station owner asks the attendant, looking at all the Happy Little Elves boxes on the floor. After the attendant assures him they weren’t robbed, the owner says, “Well, he did now!”