From my years as a woman, student, friend and counselor, I’ve talked to countless women about their sexual experiences. Common themes began to emerge. In an attempt to teach what I’ve learned from these women and my own experience, I’ve compiled a list of things men should learn about sex.
1. Ask permission
Don’t assume that a woman wants to go further sexually, just because you do. Although you may think that her body language seems inviting, it is best to ask before touching sensitive areas like breasts and genitals. This may seem awkward at first, but it is less awkward than making a move and having her feel uncomfortable with it. Most women will appreciate your sensitivity to personal boundaries and in fact, hearing you verbalize your desire for her could be a major turn on.
2. No means no
This may seem obvious, but, listen to what a woman tells you. If she says “no” to intercourse or certain kinds of touching at one point, don’t assume it is okay to try again later. If you are unsure about her personal boundaries, just ask. It is also important to respect her views on condom use. If she says you must use it, don’t try to penetrate her without a condom.
3. Take turns
Take turns giving and receiving and leading and following. Seek out positions where she can self pleasure or you can stimulate her clitoris during intercourse. This is very important, because most woman cannot achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. Take turns leading and following in and out of the bedroom. Joining each other in activities can help build intimacy and increase desire.
4. Don’t abuse alcohol
Alcohol is the most common date rape drug. Drinking too much or encouraging your date to drink too much can be risky for everyone involved. After a certain point of drinking, a person cannot consent to sex anymore. If you are drinking a lot on a date, wait until you sober up to make a move physically.
Although these tips weren’t all very sexy, following them can bring about a level of trust that can make a woman feel more comfortable sexually. This was written for men in heterosexual relationships, but it can/should be applied to women and GLBT relationships.