Christmas is all about the sweet and sacred, but sometimes you might want to have a touch of naughty with your Christmas. Maybe you just need a break from all the sappy songs of good cheer. Trust me, these songs will make you laugh and probably make you feel a little better about your own dysfunctional family. So if you’re in the mood for something just a little bit wicked, check out these five great twisted Christmas songs that will make your holiday full of sinister laughs and evil grins.
“I am Santa Claus” — This parody of Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” is a must-have for your twisted Christmas. Best line in this funny song: Leave him cookies and beer, he’ll be back to your house first next year.” This is a classic from Bob Rivers (who has other songs included in this twisted Christmas list).
Instead of roasting chestnuts on an open fire, how about “Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire”–lots of fun there! Admit it, Alvin and his compadres might be cute but they can be annoying. Turn them into a tasty treat this Christmas–like say, chipmunk jerky. Great line: “Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir, they poked hot skewers through their nose. . .” This one is from, once again, Bob Rivers, the genius of twisted Christmas songs.
Okay, the title says it all for this one from Red Peters–“You Aint Getting Sh*t for Christmas.” When Papa finds out that his grown kids have decided to go on vacation instead of visiting their Mama and Papa for Christmas, it doesn’t really sit too well. Funny stuff. Best lines: Ummm, you’re probably better off just listening for yourself.
“Leroy the Redneck Reindeer” from Joe Diffie is a lot of fun for a funny and twisted Christmas song list–even though it’s pretty clean and fun (not so much twisted–but this one makes me laugh so it’s gotta be on the list). Leroy drives a pickup truck and wears overalls and a John Deere cap when he fills in for his cousin Rudolph. Best line: “He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell and made history that night!”
Yeah, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” was funny and a little twisted, but got annoying after awhile. So instead, how about the most twisted Christmas song I have run across: “Grandma Got Dismembered by a Chainsaw” from Bob Rivers (the same guy behind “I am Santa Claus” and roasting those chipmunks). Best line: Well the whole song really, you have to hear it for yourself. Trust me, it is by far the most twisted Christmas song of all. The first time I heard this song I laughed but I felt really bad about it. Sorta.