Its the big day. You’ve met someone. You have flirted with them, perhaps even met them on a date once – or maybe you’ve never seen them in person, but you talk online a lot. Either way, after a time, conversation turns to kink, and talk turns to planning, and sooner or later, you find you’ve decided to have a play-date with them.
You’ve made a lot of preparation. You’ve packed your toys, put on your outfit, packed something less skimpy to wear home tomorrow, and made certain that you have all your ducks are in a row. All that’s left to worry about is whether the directions you printed out will get you there… and whether you’ll get home safely. You’ve never been alone with this person before, after all, and there are all those horror stories floating around the internet, and news, of men and women who just go… missing.
Fortunately there is a very important step you can take to reduce some of the risk of becoming one of those people: Set up safe-calls. Read on to get answers to many of the questions you may have about this process.
-What is a Safe-call?
A safe-call is a pre-arranged phone call that you make to someone to confirm that you are alive, well, and not in danger.
-How do safe-calls help?
Safe-calls allow you to check in at regular intervals with someone who has all the important and relevant facts of your meeting. Should you fail to check-in, that person will immediately report your absence to the police, along with all of the details they have.
-How often should safe-calls be made?
Safe calls should be made in the following intervals at a minimum. There is nothing wrong with making more frequent calls than what I have suggested. Your calls should occur at least: immediately before your meeting, 15 minutes into your meeting, 45 minutes into your meeting, and every two hours from that point on, At the end of your meeting, 30 minutes after your meeting, and if it is a longer drive than 30 minutes, when you get home.
-What is needed to set up a safe call?
First, you need an understanding and willing contact. It needs to be someone with a level head who does not panic easily, but who will take this very seriously. The person also needs to be available by phone. That person should be provided with the following information: Physical description of you, including any tattoos or other visible markings, and if possible a recent photograph; your address; your cell and home phone numbers; the license plate number of the vehicle you will be using, and any relevant information about you (whether you are insulin-dependent, for instance, or whether you have a noticeable lisp). They should also be provided with all of the above about the person you will be meeting. You also need to provide them with the name, location, and address and contact number of the place you will be meeting your prospective partner, and any other locations you plan to attend with them. You should furnish your safe-call contact with your general plan, as well – such as whether you plan to be out for only a few hours, or overnight.
-How do I let my safe-call contact know I am in trouble?
You should arrange some sort of question/answer code with them. An example might be that every time you call, they tell you that your dog has been barking non-stop. If everything is fine, you respond that they should just ignore him, he’ll stop eventually. If something is wrong, however, you might tell your safe-call contact that perhaps your dog really just needs to go out for a walk.
At that point, your safe-call contact should get in touch with the police! They should tell the police everything they know of your situation, and let them handle it from there.
-Anything else I should know?
Yes! Common sense should always apply. If you forget to check-in, your contact should call you – and if you don’t answer, all the other numbers you have provided them with, before contacting the authorities. You should also always mention in your check-ins with your safe-call contact where you are, though you should try to keep it casual.
-A word of caution:
There are predators of all genders. There are victims of all genders. Do not assume because of your gender or sexual orientation (or that of your partner) that you are in less danger. Safe-calls are not just for submissive women meeting dominant men.
-One last note:
Tell your partner about your safe-calls ahead of time, and encourage them to make the same arrangements, though clearly it is their choice as to whether or not to do so. However, if your partner seems at all put off or upset by your plans, take it as a warning sign.