You’re starting to notice in a moment of clarity the little things. He’s not using a coaster for his drink, he doesn’t clean his feet or floss his teeth…and oh yeah, he has absolutely no feelings for others, including you. No tears when his parents passed, and no sympathy for you when you lost your job. No chicken soup when your ill, just “when’s breakfast gonna be ready?” Was he watching the football game when you were delivering your first child, well don’t panic that’s normal, a sociopath would ask you to keep your screaming down so he could hear the score. Be aware that some people consider all men to be sociopaths on some level, not true, it is estimated that only 1 to 4 percent of the population are actually clinically sociopathic, the rest are simply narcissistic jerks! So how do you tell the difference between Al Bundy and Ted Bundy?
Ted would generally have learned how to simulate feelings and manipulate his environment well. He will usually present as charming, articulate, and socially adept in the early part of the relationship. Al Would generally present with his hand in his crotch from the first day you meet him until the day you divorce him. The truth is sociopaths are usually of high intelligence and can masquerade as completely normal for some time in intimate relationships. Partners start to suspect sociopathy as the events of any normal life cycle take place. When your partner does not display the expected emotion for a particular situation the alarms in your head start to ring. Over time your new awareness will make you more perceptive to his lack of empathy for others. You may start to notice his lack of guilt related to the absence of conscious. If questioned he will have all the answers, if backed into a corner and exposed he may become indignant and violent. What can you do to change this? How did it happen to him? Was he abused? Help?
Generally speaking there is no help. Professionals have not found any proven therapy to cure or control sociopathy. It has been shown though that it is not caused by bad parenting or abusive lifestyles, those would tend to produce more narcissistic personalities. Sociopathy has been determined to be a form of brain damage. It can clearly be diagnosed through a cat scan of the brain, yet it cannot be cured. There is nothing you can do except get out of the relationship you are in and remove this person from your life. Nothing will change him or her regardless of how much you love them. As well, take head and caution when leaving, especially if he has a tendency for violence. You may need help in safely exiting this relationship, as he would not be in the relationship if you were not providing something he needed and might not be willing to let go of easily.
Try to remember this was not your fault. Sociopaths are very intelligent and expert manipulators, having to learn to feign human emotion most times since they were children just to adapt and succeed in this world. You may want to get therapy for emotional support before you begin dating again, to uncover and repair any damage to your self esteem that this relationship may have caused you. Most of all try to understand they didn’t choose to be who they are, therefore they are victims as well. Now, back to Al Bundy…Hmmmm.