Lynette called and asked me to go check on Aunt Omega. It seems that her two best girlfriends, Loretta and Peggy had gone by to see her and found her in bad shape.
Auntie had been outside watering her flowers, barefoot, of course, and had stepped on a rusty roofing nail. She immediately pulled the nail out, washed her foot in hot, soapy water, and poured peroxide on the wound. Then she painted her whole foot with iodine and wrapped it in gauze.
Loretta and Peggy had begged her to go to the doctor and get a tetanus shot, warning her that she could get lockjaw if she let it go unattended. But Aunt Omega stood firm (on her one good foot, anyway) that she would NOT go to the doctor.
After Loretta got home, she couldn’t keep from worrying about her friend, so she placed a long-distance call to Lynette to tell her what had happened to her mother, hoping that Omega’s daughter could talk some sense into her.
Of course, that didn’t happen so Lynette called to see if I would go check on her, warning me not to let her know that Lynette had called me.
“Sure, I’ll go. I was just getting ready to go out anyway. I’ll just pretend that I was just stopping by,” I promised my cousin. “I know it would make things worse if she knew you called me.”
When I got to Aunt O’s, it took her forever to answer the door. When she did manage to get it open, she hobbled back to the couch and practically fell onto it. Looking at her bandaged foot which was now oozing, I asked in my best fake shocking voice, “Auntie, what happened?”
“You know exactly what happened!” she snapped back at me. “I stepped on a stupid little nail, and Loretta and Peggy happened to come by and they carried on like I was dying. Telling me that I was gonna get lockjaw if I didn’t go to the doctor and get a tetanus shot. If they said it once, they said it fifty times, ‘You’ll get lockjaw, you’ll get lockjaw!'”
Then, Loretta had the nerve to call Lynette and get her on my case, too, telling me I had to get a tetanus shot and then, and don’t try to deny it, Lynette called YOU to come running down here to take me to the doctor.
“Well, you are all just wasting your time. I am NOT going to the doctor for a little thing like this!”
“But, Aunt O, it’s true, you really do need to go get a tetanus shot,” I tried to sweet talk her into going.
“Like I said!” she yelled at me, “I am not going to the doctor for this silly little flesh wound, Lockjaw, Smockjaw! “IF I go MAD, then I’ll just go MAD!”