We’ve already shown you how to be a man and stop whining on facebook. Now, we must point out an even more sinister threat to manliness: the pink shirt!
Nothing makes a man look more wimpy, ineffectual, and effeminate than wearing a pink shirt. Who supports the wearing of pink shirts? Your mom, fashion designers, your girlfriend (if she was into boybands), and all those girls at the office. Like soccer, the pink shirt is just one small step towards the total feminization of America. It is worn by men who haven’t been raised to know better. While Mom’s are great, they don’t want you to play football, buy a motor cycle, buy a handgun, climb mountains, or join the military. I’m fortunate that my wife abhors pink shirts on men. But, I’ve seen many a sad lad going through life in pastels.
At some point in your life, the women in your life may urge you to wear a pink shirt. They may try to slide in a peach-colored shirt or some other pastel. But, the battle over pink shirts is about more than man’s casual apparel: it’s about freedom, individuality, and masculinity. Before you succumb to entreaties to wear pink, you should consider the consequences of losing the battle over pink shirts. If you lose, to all other men, you will look like a momma’s boy or a whipped boyfriend to rest of us. We will all know that you succumbed and turned over your masculinity. You have to man up, put a stop to pink shirt talk, and be a man!
If you lose the battle of pink shirts to the women in your life, where will you end up? You may end up carrying your girl’s frou-frou dog over to the designated patch of lawn where it does its business. You may end up driving her lipstick red, Mary Kay, VW Beetle with a daisy in its dashboard vase. In time, she may even end up testing make-up on you. In a pink shirt, you’ll look weak when you walk downtown and available when you walk in that creepy public park. In a time of terrorism and public danger, an American man in a pink shirt sends the wrong signal. You might as well wear an orange jumpsuit, crawl on all fours, and wait for the Taliban. If you aren’t strong enough to resist your gal’s urge for a full-sized Ken doll, what will you resist? What good are you?
Ultimately, the choice to wear a pink shirt is a personal decision. Women can be persuasive. They will tell you that you’d look good. They will tell you it’s peach, or red, and not really pink. You must resist and say, “NO!” You must clearly establish your own sense of style. Women will tell you that Don Johnson wore pastels in the best TV show of the 80s: Miami Vice. You must say no and counter that Sonny Crocket also had a 10mm pistol, a Ferrari, a cigarette boat, a sailboat, an alligator, a college football career, and a stint in Vietnam. You woman may tell you that you are wearing a pink shirt for charity. Simply be a man, give $10 to charity, say “No!” to the pink shirt, and offer free breast exams for the rest of the day.
When it comes to pink shirts and other questionable pastels, you must man up, stand your ground, and be a man. In the battle against pink, you must be strong. All you have to lose is your manhood.