Making a friend of someone you barely know isn’t easy, especially when it appears that you have nothing in common. Often you may find yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to work with someone you believe you have nothing in common with. A majority of people will just shut off and not even consider nurturing a new relationship, so we just set our minds to put up with each them until the task at hand is done, and then go your separate ways. Who knows, by doing this, you may have just parted from the friend of all friends. So let me help you learn the best way of making new friends.
Having difficulty making friends used to be a pretty good description of me, well OK, still is, but I’m getting better at it! That is, until I found away to break the ice. Unlike most people I’ve met, I’m not very sports minded, into politics, and definitely not the life of the party, so when I meet people, I have to make a conscious effort to find common ground.
In order to do this, I had to change! Not them, but me, and so will you! If you want to befriend somebody, you, not the other person, has to take the lead and to open the door with conversation. Like me, you are probably thinking, that you wouldn’t know what to talk about? But I assure you that you can. Just learn to “talk the 5 senses!”
This is what I mean by talking the 5 senses. Listen to a friend about their interests. Say for instance, you know your friend likes football. Ask them what it is they like about going to a live football game. Then listen carefully to what they say. Inevitably, they’ll start talking about:
* What they saw
* What they heard
* How they felt
* What they tasted/ate, or
* What they smelled
Let me give you another example. You don’t know me, but if you were to ask me where I went on my last vacation and to tell you a little about it. I’d say something like; “My wife and I went to Thailand last month. The food there was just fantastic. From our balcony, we could smell the aroma of seafood coming from a local Thai restaurant on the beach. We went there for dinner and ordered a Snapper dish to share. When they served it, the whole fish, head and all, was on the plate. It was perfectly cooked, tasted wonderful, and was served with Thai vegetables in spicy curry sauce that could burn a house down. Oh, and in our room each day, we’d open the door to the smell of fragrant orchids…”
Do you notice that I tend to talk about my vacation in reference to the sense of taste and smell! So if you were to tell me about a vacation you went on, you’d be able to hold my interest longer by talking about the smells and tastes of your trip. Even if the food was terrible and the area smelled horrible, you’d have my attention because I am smell and taste oriented. Get the picture? You may meet someone else that visited the same place at the same time, and they tell you of the beautifully sights, the sound of the ocean, or the feel of the sand between their toes. Just adjust your conversation to match their sense preference.
Back to making a friends by talking the 5 senses. Like I said, the key is to listen for the sense the person tends to use when explaining their experiences. Whether you’re guy or a girl, if you really what to get to know someone, you need to become a good listener. Just listen, figure out which of senses they are partial to, and talk back to them in the same way.
You may run into a person who says very little during conversation. Well, this is the second part. You’ll never get around to the listening part if you are getting simple Yes/No type answers. It’s important that you ask questions that can’t be answer by yes, no, or uh hu! Ask a question like; “tell me why you find that so interest?” Or, “I see you bought a new car! What made you choose that model?” These are the type of questions that require a couple sentences to answer.
All that is left to do is actively keep the conversation going. So remember:
* ask good questions
* listen for their sense preference
* talk their sense right back at them.
This also works with people you don’t get along with. Approach it like this. Try to find out from someone else what interests the person in question has. You find out he’s into real estate investing, or whatever. Do a little research about it so you can at least get a basic knowledge of the subject. Then one day, go up the person and say something like; Hey John, I heard you like dealing in real estate. I was thinking about doing something like that, can you tell me why you find it so interest” Now get ready to listen for the 5 senses!
It won’t happen overnight, but you’ll soon find that you probably do have some things in common, and that should be the start of a new friendship!