I was over to the dairy bar thother day. Thought I’d stop by n git me one nem cherry snow cones. I like me some em cherry snow cones.
Ms. Jeanie was a working don’t chee know. I like it when she’s a working cause she got tem two great big pretty eyes. She’s got duh purtiest eyes in the county. Dey both big and purty. One of em is green and one of em is blue.
I can’t keep it straight which one sposed to be which. When I done think it’s the right un that is blue and the left un that is green, I look up and ney’s just the opposite. Dangdest thang I done ever seen.
Whilst I was there slurpin on my cherry snow cone, you know I like em cherry snow cones, I couldn’t help but hear three women’s I done went to high school with talking pretty bad about some men folks they done knowed.
There was big Rhonda McCoy. She done whooped more men than most men. Didn’t nobody fool with big Rhonda. Peoples was scared of er.
There was Billie Jean Applebite. Boys back at school used to call her a door knob, sumpn about everybody taking a turn. I never did quite get it.
There was Judylynn Jankins. Peoples always said she wuddn’t too bright. All seven of her kids had different daddies. I don’t know what all the fuss was about. Kids didn’t seem to mind.
Anyway, they was all a talking about men so bad and talking so loud, I felt kinda bad about it and it done took all the fun out my cherry snow cone. I just kept a listenin and I’d a hated to been the fellers they was a talkin about cause dem women didn’t have nuthin good to say bout any of em.
I just kept on a listenin. My momma been done tole me I had a nose problem whatever that was. One right after another would tell how bad their last feller was and how he was worser than the one fore him.
Seem like ever feller they done picked was a bad un. They had all eventually just left these women and I wondered why. They wuddn’t all that bad lookin. Might been better after a few beers but they was alright.
Finally, I just got so dad blamed curious about it all, I put my cherry snow cone down and poked my nose in where it didn’t have no business. I shoulda listened to momma.
I walked on over to where they was and said, “Scuse me ladies but I couldn’t help but hear ya’ll a talking caused I was listening to ever word you was a saying.
I want to know if ye mind if I’s to ass you a question?”
They all shook dey head naw. They didn’t mind. Well, I got to tell you. It all went down hill from there.
“Just why is it ya’ll think ever feller ya’ll pick just finally gets tired of you, picks up and just leaves?”
Well, you’d a thought I done stepped up into a nest full of yeller jackets. All three of em reared up and got bullish in a hurry. Shuut, I done backed myself up a little. I didn’t know what they was about to do, especially big Rhonda.
They all commenced to yelling at me at the same time at the top of they voices til it done come to me that a cherry snow cone and Miss Jeanie’s big old purty eyes may not have been worth all this. Bout that time, I realized I ought to have as much sense as all they fellers had and just leave. But I didn’t just yet.
When I caught em catching they breath before they lit in again, I said, “Thank yins. I now understand completely. Ya’ll have a good day now.
As I turned around to walk out, I walked past Miss Jeanie with the two big pretty eyes, one green un and one blue un. She smiled at me and winked. I smiled back at her and told er, “All I really wanted was to come up in here and have me a cherry snow cone.”