Forbes Magazine announced their choices as the 100 Most Powerful Women in the World. By my calculations, I must have just missed that list. How do I know this? Easy.
1. No less than 3 times per week my phone rings and I hear a recorded voice say, “Please hold for a very important message.” I usually hang up, but maybe if I had “held,” I might have made the list. They probably needed my take on a very important topic. And my opinion is obviously valued, because they had a recording call me! So urgent is the need of my response, they can’t even wait to have a live person call me, they have a tele-bot do it.
2. Mrs. Madeline Johnson has sent me an email requesting my help in securing her late husband’s fortune from Nigeria. The poor man was killed in a plane crash, and I’m the only person she trusts on the whole Internet to help her get her hands on the $530,000,000 that he deposited in a bank there before his untimely death. Never mind the fact that she is willing to give me a third of the booty for my help, of all the possible dupes people in the world, she chose ME. (I’ll let you know how that goes…unless I’m too busy spending my share at the mall.)
3. I may have been chosen the winner of the $5,000 per week for life by the Publishers’ Clearing House. (They obviously have gotten wind of that best-selling novel that’s lurking in the far corners of my brain.)
4. Bank of America wants to offer me an exclusive credit card deal for my non-existent business at an unbelievably low rate of interest.
5. My opinion is critical to a very important political survey regarding President Obama’s performance in office.
6. A recent email has informed me that I can purchase all the Viagra hubby could ever need right here on the ‘net!
If those aren’t proof that I’m a very near miss for the 100 Most Powerful Women in the World, I don’t know what is! I totally get Michelle Obama being number one, and Oprah being number two; however, I do have a difficult time understanding how I got beat out by the likes of Sarah Palin and Lady Gaga.
Note: I’ve known I was destined for greatness ever since in my youth when Smokey the Bear told me only I could prevent forest fires!