After a ten year run of working the restaurant/bar circuit I have learned the good, the bad, and the ugly of the service industry. Here are a few funny, yet true things I have encounter along the way.
“Waitress, this drink doesn’t have any alcohol in it!”
My first thought when a customer states that their alcoholic mix drink does not taste like it has any alcohol in it is, “Well, sir/mam that fruity mix drink you just ordered is not suppose to reek of alcohol, but be light and fruity!” No seriously, if you order a mixed drink and you don’t taste any alcohol, then applaud your bartender, because they made an excellent drink. Most people that I know that swear they can taste the difference between a certain brand of liquor, usually don’t realize the difference when their mixed drink it made with a lower priced liquor, and also I have seen bartenders pour a draft domestic, i.e. Bud Lt., Miller Lt, or Coors Lt., instead of what the customer ordered, and 9 times of 10, the customer never mentions it.
I have had on a few occasions an indecent proposal from couples or groups of couples to join their “swingers group” or what have you. Although I must say it is a compliment to get an offer to join, it makes us feel uncomfortable. Even more awkward, is leaving the room key or number on your receipt.
When a customer says this, most servers cringe because it is never a good sign.
– “What’s cheaper this or that?” = more than likely they only have X amount of dollars and they are going to use all of it on their drinks and have nothing left to tip!
– “Thank you, so much, you were awesome.” (or the like) = that is your tip; don’t expect much of a monetary tip.
When your customers are made up of the following; servers thoughts are, “shoot me now.”
– Teenagers, most teenagers do not have much money to spend and usually do not add in account the tip that is traditionally 15-18% of your total bill.
– Children = crackers, cracker, crackers…. everywhere, let alone the clean up required after a table of young children, families are tight on the budget and are not typically your big spenders.
– Church goers = nobody likes to work Sunday because they tip 10% or lower (they gave God 10% why should you get more?), for some reason many church goers leave church on a higher than thou high and forget that us servers cannot go to church because they have to go to work to serve you.
Remember folks, they are called stereotypes for a reason, because even though not everybody in that group is like that, it amazingly hardly fails .
The Angry Couple
Please, Please, Please do not go out in public if you are in an argument; even it has been a 10 year argument. This makes everybody in the situation uncomfortable. This also applies to those men (or women) you apparently cannot speak for their own self. Both examples are even worse when alcohol is involved. We have all seen the “drunken girl” who is crying because her boyfriend is not giving enough attention to her. I am sorry, but I am not getting paid enough to be your therapist, and/or mediator.
I’m sorry that your ex left you for somebody who kind of, not really, looks like me
This is a true story about a waitress at the same restaurant I was working at. A party of young women came in and was sitting at this particular girl’s section and because one of the girl’s ex had recently left her for a young white lady, she had it out for my friend who was, of course a young white lady. Complete with throwing their plates at her. WOW, really? Ladies, please compose yourself when out in public.
Congrats! It is your birthday, but sorry we don’t offer any cheesy song or cake display for you, so please don’t insist that we give you a free shot or desert. It is not like we ran out of it, we simply don’t offer it.
There is not a need to tell us why you have or had to go to the bathroom. Also on that note, we don’t know who Joe is so there is no need to tell us “Joe had to go to the bathroom, car, ect …he’ll be right back”
Pick Up Lines and What Does Not Work
Quick tip; If you’re trying to get the server’s number or get a date, please leave a generous tip or you’re not getting a call back. All that says is, you are cheap and rude.
Complaint About your Bill
If you have a complaint about your bill and after your server takes a second look, leave it there. Do not then insist that you did not have this, that, or the other because if they put it on there, you had it. We understand that you have had this much alcohol, and you insist that you don’t feel it, believe us we are the sober ones.