A student of non-traditional astrology, my daily horoscopes are direct and easy to interpret. You will not find a more relevant, honest or reality based set of horoscopes in this galaxy. Seriously, you can not find better astrological advice from a stranger on the Internet. I use the methods that have been passed down by my ancestors for centuries. Time tested and doctor recommended, these horoscopes will change your life. That is of course, if you were not born before 1873. No astrologer is better than Rex! Step right up and get the cosmic advice you have been looking for. Be sure to check back daily to get an edge on your day and the competition. You never know what the universe has in store for you, but I do.
Aries (3/21-4/19) – You will encounter a satisfying sandwich.
Taurus (4/20-5/20) – The wind will blow.
Gemini (5/21-6/21) – Fred Garvin, male prostitute.
Cancer (6/22-7/22) – Beware the strange man on the horse!
Leo (7/23-8/22) – If it itches, scratch it..
Virgo (8/23-9/22) – An animal is smelling you right now.
Libra (9/23-10/22) – Get some sleep.
Scorpio (10/23-11/21) – Walk to work.
Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) – Water your plants.
Capricorn (12/22-1/19) – Do not practice any new dance steps today.
Aquarius (1/20-2/18) – Be on the lookout for paranormal creatures.
Pisces (2/19-3/20) – No matter how chocolaty it tastes, stop eating your suntan in a can.
Disclaimer: Eating certain things may or may not influence your daily life in some manner. You should consume more and/or less of a certain food and/or other things to better your health. If these foods and things pursue you after you stop eating them, contact the appropriate authorities. If you can not, ask someone to contact them for you.