We have all been there, the heart racing, palm sweating fear that we have set ourselves up for another failed attempt at finding love, and that the person sitting across from us at a tiny restaurant table will be a complete disappointment, or worse….we will be the disappointment. Yes, I am talking about a first date, the make it or break it moment that will leave a lasting impression in the minds of our dates as well as ourselves. And without knowing, we might be the potential sabotage that leaves our heads spinning as to why this date is added to our lists of the ones that didn’t make it passed the, “It was a pleasure to meet you” stage. The following is a list of the do’s and don’ts of a first date to assure that you will make for a comfortable atmosphere for your dates as well as ourselves, and give those love opportunities a real shot at igniting before suffocating the flame.
Choose a comfortable environment that will be relaxing for the both of you. By engaging in some sort of activity such as miniature golf can release the built up tension of having to think of conversation starters that might just end in awkward silence. This way, you and your date can be occupied with an activity that is fun, and distracting enough to get your mind away from the fact that is a first date, but not enough to pull you and your date in opposite directions. The conversations will just become natural from this point as you focus on the game of golf and enjoy yourselves. Once your game of miniature golf (or other activities of your choice) have been completed, the two of you should feel relaxed enough to take the chance at a restaurant for lunch or dinner. Use the miniature golf (or other activity) as an ice breaker.
Keep your cell phone in your pocket or purse. Do not keep checking it every five minutes to see if you have gotten any calls or text messages. The vibe that this can send to your date can be that you are not interested or that you have something or someplace better that you would like to be. This don’t can change the tone of your entire date. When you are first getting to know someone as a potential relationship partner, you don’t want to give them the wrong idea that being in the moment with them and getting to know them on a deeper level is not important to you. Save the text messages and phone calls (unless they are utterly important) for after the date.
Don’t be afraid to ask your date questions about themselves. Let them know that you are interested in the type of person they are and the family and background that they have come from. Don’t manipulate the conversation to be all about you and your past experience, leave room for your date to respond to what you say, or know that you are very interested in not only sharing information about yourself, but also wanting to know information about them. A good way to make sure that the conversation remains flowing and equal for both you and your date, is to extend upon what each other says while leaving room for you and your date to add information about yourselves.
Recognize that this is a first date, and realize that if things get quiet you can always start up the conversation again with something new. Taking it to heart and feeling like the other person may not be interested in you because there is a moment of awkward silence is a sure way to potentially sabotage your date from that moment forward. You are both going to be nervous and a little concerned about what the other person is feeling about you, but keep in mind that those are feelings that you both share. Embrace the fact that you are both going through the first date jitters and keep reminding yourself of that every time a moment of hesitation or silence occurs. Just smile, and pick the conversation back up.
Be yourself. Always speak from the heart and be true to who you are. You don’t ever want to mold yourself on that first date as being someone you aren’t, simply because you feel that it will make your date think more of you and want to pursue a relationship with you. This will only lead to further complications if the first date turns into a relationship because your date will know that you were not honest with them in the beginning and fooled them into thinking you were someone you were not. By being honest and being yourself, you and your date will know whether there is anything there that is worth exploring, or whether you two are too different.
First dates can be extremely nerve racking for both individuals. You don’t want to do anything that could send off the wrong impression to your date and keep them wondering if you are truly interested in investigating a relationship with them or not. By following these simply guide lines that many people do not even know they are doing or may not be doing deliberately, can really give your first date a run for its money and give you and your date a better chance at survival.