Rebound Zombies – Guys which roam the Dating Scene dazed and confused because they broke up with their girlfriends. They usually try to use every woman they encounter until their heartbreak subsides. Their inner selves sport these long strips of open flesh from being…well…whipped. These guys noses are usually so wide open from the desertion of this female that it blocks their vision. And that’s why they can’t see what’s in front of them.
An Encounter of the Worse Kind
Dating. Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had the misfortune of encountering the guy newly and reluctantly released from a relationship, translation-some woman’s leftovers. I hate it! Why? Well, it’s always that annoying little chance his ex can cast her line and reel him back in.
Proceed With Caution
In certain cases of the Rebound Zombies, you won’t be able to tell if they’ve been released. For example, he invites you to his place, and he still has a shrine built to them. You know what I mean, a table with pictures of her and him together. And when he mentions her he gives this long hypnotic stare, kind of like he’s entered the land of Euphoria and left you behind looking like an idiot. Warning: Ladies, if you see or hear any of these symptoms…head for the hills! Only God knows if that Zombie is in his right mind or if the relationship is really over.
What was The Rebound Zombie’s Relationship Really Like?
The first thing you think is, the Rebound Zombie’s relationship must have been spectacular to have him walking around in this manner. Let’s think like a dude for a moment: What is a “spectacular” relationship for a guy? Hmmm…let’s see…sex and lots of it. This may not be true in all cases, however there is a way a woman can tell. Keep a careful watch of how he treats you. If sex is all he’s looking for on your first and second date, then clearly his previous relationship was built on sex.
Dating Tips To Know If You’re Dating A Rebound Zombie.
I’ve picked up a few more tips on how to recognize these zombies:
1. Don’t go in for the infamous love-at-first-sight crap because you will not have a chance to recognize him. Be a skeptic. Guard your heart.
2. Ask the right questions. Don’t bombard him with questions right off. Start gradually, like, “when was your last relationship?” Usually, when you ask this, if they are still sprung they will keep on talking, eventually telling when they broke up. If he says, “last week.” Get away from him. If you ask him a question about his relationship and he starts to get upset, hold your phone in your hand, just in case you need to call the police , apologize to calm the psycho down until he takes you home, and never call him again.
3. Be careful of the Zombie that dances around relationship questions. If he does, do not persist; walk away.
4. Be careful of the Zombie that doesn’t take you on a date just back to his place. He’s out for revenge, so they’ll wreak havoc on anyone in a skirt.
5. Never think you can alter a Zombie’s feelings. You can’t compete with all the moments and memories they’ve shared with their ex. Don’t try to. If they’re ready to get over it, they will. Some guys will actually be ready to move on but you will have to look deep.
My Wish For All Rebound Zombies
My eyes are closed and I’m clicking my heels together. Since they can’t seem to remember that other people have feelings, I wish all Rebound Zombies could be put off on island with a machine to suck out their heartbreak, and after they pass a few standardized tests to make sure they’re fit for the single society, place them back into the Dating Scene. That way, no one gets hurt, used or disappointed. Well, I don’t rule the world, so these Zombies will walk amongst us.