Aunt Omega was a staunch Republican, and she made sure everyone knew her politics. A friend of mine who was also a staunch Republican taught his dog a trick. When he would ask Bandit, “Would you rather be a dead dog or a Democrat?” Bandit would flop over on his side and play dead.
I knew Aunt Omega would love it if her dog did this trick, too, so one day when Aunt O wasn’t at home, I slipped into her house and taught her little Dachshund, Lucie, that same trick.
Auntie loved the trick and couldn’t wait for me to show the trick to Lynette who was coming home soon. As soon as Lynette arrived, Aunt O wanted me to come right on down to demonstrate the trick. Lynette had a Dachshund, also, named Molly who always traveled with her.
“Dead dog or democrat?” I asked Lucie. Molly wanted in on the action, too. The one thing that would get Molly motivated was the promise of a cookie. Molly rolled over, pirouetted, and gave me five, her whole repertoire, while Lucie laid perfectly still feigning death.
“Why don’t you teach Molly ‘dead dog or democrat’?” Lynette asked, but then immediately retracted her request. “Never mind, I forgot, I don’t tell my politics so that wouldn’t be a good idea after all.”
“Well, let’s substitute something else for ‘democrat’,” I suggested. We tried to think of a good substitute, but nothing would come to mind.
“I know!” Aunt Omega chimed in. “How about dead dog or Mexican?”
“Mother!” Lynette gasped, “We couldn’t say that!” Not that we were so worried about being politically correct, but Aunt Omega and I had the sweetest little lady of Hispanic origin who cleaned house for us. We would certainly do nothing to offend her.
“Because of Maria,” I tried to explain. “We wouldn’t hurt her feelings for anything.”
“Hmmp!” Aunt Omega barked, “I bet she doesn’t even vote!”
Lynette and I were hysterical. Aunt O was laughing, too, even though she didn’t know why. “I don’t know what you girls would do without me to entertain you,” she chuckled.
Neither do we, Auntie, neither do we!