Today I received an e-mail telling me about your new French Fries … the “natural cut” ones. They still have the skin on them, and are purported to taste “as real as it gets.” As real as what, exactly? What is a real taste, as opposed to an unreal taste – and why on earth would you think that I want my food taste more real?
When I shout my order into the drive through microphone, I am not interested in french fries that really taste like potatoes, or in the origins of the beef patty on my Baconator bacon cheeseburger, and I couldn’t care less whether there really is milk in my Frosty.
Because when I decide to treat myself to a Wendy’s lunch it is because your food bears no resemblance to anything I could create in my own kitchen, purchase in the supermarket, or even a non-fast food restaurant. In the back of my mind, I know that the reason why your fries are a uniformly gorgeous shade of crispy golden yellow is that they were deep fried in some animal fat by product that is the antithesis of “heart healthy” – but when I bite into that perfectly crisp outside, and taste the hot, soft inside of your fries, I know that forgoing dessert tonight is worth it.
Every time I order food at Wendy’s it comes out the same – regardless of location, regardless of the time of day. The chicken nuggets are sizzling hot and crispy, the chili the exact same texture. The consistency is unreal, just like the neon orange cheese melted on the burgers – and that is exactly what I like about Wendy’s.
If I wanted “real” or “natural”, I would stop at the supermarket and pick up potatoes and ground beef, and make my own burgers and fries. If I wanted healthy, I would trade that ground beef in for ground turkey. So, Wendy’s, please – focus on what you do best: unreal, unhealthy, uniform perfection in fast food.
Wendy’s Drive Through Fan