At least three times a year, I discover that me and my children’s socks have been abducted by the laundry aliens from planet Whirlpool. It’s like they’re here one day and then they’re gone. We go from having a whole drawer full to lucky if we can can find an actual pair and not a hand full of mismatched madness.
Where do they go? This has happened continuously for as long as I can remember, even as far back as my childhood. I have friends that report the same magical disappearance in their homes, but still no one has been able to come up with an answer to the age old question of where the heck do our socks disappear to? You would think after years and years of this happening, you would one day find all the socks in some obscure hidden angle in a corner of the dryer and it would all make sense. It would be like a moment of clarity. Of course, that’s where they are. There’s some static magnetic field that draws all the socks to this one corner. As great as that would be, it’s just simply not so, believe me, I’ve checked and there’s nothing back there.
After much thought I’ve realized that there can only be one answer to this unsolved mystery of the missing socks. Our dryers are all aliens. They came from a distant planet in search of food because their species were dying off due to a drought. Our planet Earth is the only planet with food suitable for their digestive organs. Enter socks. Like I said, much thought was put in to arrive at this conclusion. Now that I know where my socks are going, it’s not so upsetting anymore. It feels good to know I aide in the survival of a dying species.
I recognize that my brilliant synopsis might be a bit of a mirage. Actually, it’s most likely a farce, which takes me back to right where I started. Where are my darn socks! They seem to vaporize into thin air. There has to be an explanation based on scientific fact that truly answers the question. At this point I’m just surprised that anyone has yet to declare “the dryer ate my baby!” I guess this is just one of those things that we have to wait till we die to find out the true answer to.