Why is the divorce rate in our society above 50%? This article takes a deep look into the top five destroyers that are the contributing factors to divorce.
Divorce is without a doubt one of the most destructive nightmares a person will go through in this life. The devastation that it leaves behind is inconceivable and it affects not only the lives of the couple but children and other family members as well.
Many other issues lead to divorce such as pride, ego, greed and selfishness but there are those top destroyers which are easy to recognize and every couple already know what they are yet, they continue to allow them to kill their relationship.
The top five marriage destroyers are of no surprise:
They say money or communications are the number one reasons why couple’s divorce, but the truth is, there is a more underling problem, which is the root to all of the problems in a marriage, which leads to divorce, and it is that couples grow apart.
In the beginning, a couple will fall in love for countless reasons and they find they have many things in common with each other. Their relationship is on fire with passion, they want to spend time with each other and they complement one another with different personality traits that build each other up and bond them together almost as one.
They choose to marry each other forever but soon, there are responsibilities that can take them in different directions. Careers take over and money becomes a vital necessity, family and outside interests enter the picture and the togetherness begins to fade. There are kids to take care of, the house, long hours at the office and you begin to take for granted that the other will always be there. The truth is a person can only give so much for so long without getting recognition or appreciation from their spouse and hearing or being shown how much they are truly loved. It is up to each spouse to make sure this never happens, ever.
Couples grow apart because they begin to live a life outside the marriage where they have other interests that do not include the other spouse, there are feelings of unhappiness, and there is no fulfillment. Soon, it becomes more peaceful to be at work among friends who like you and where there is no stress, problems or someone complaining about this and that. Then boys and girls night out begin and before you know it, you are on your way to disaster.
Spouses stop living as a loving couple and live as friends or acquaintances, as if they are like a brother and sister and they treat their marriage more like a business. It is sad that one day they realize they hardly know each other anymore and feel they are living in the house with a stranger. To no surprise, the scene becomes very clear that, they have grown apart.
Once a couple stop including each other and live life for themselves, it is inevitable that they will grow apart and when a couple grows apart, it can become too easy to find faults, reasons to look for something better and want to be happier.
The mind of an unhappy husband or wife will begin to visualize fun times, happiness and a better life, and usually that vision, that dream, will not include the other spouse.
The first minute that a couple begins to grow apart, the communication stops between them. Friends and outside influences become their sounding board and unfortunately become their advice givers.
Lack of communication is a true destroyer. No one can read minds, and in most cases, couples will admit that they expected their spouse to already know what they want, but the question is, if there is no communication how is the spouse suppose to know?
Couples who choose to argue and fight when there is a problem rather than sit down and talk things out are on very shaky ground. Marriage is hard work and requires that both sides understand that communicating, and working out various problems involves a team effort of interaction and the exchange of ideas.
Money is most certainly a top destructive force as well. A large reason why couples lose the capacity to try to communicate and argue is the lack of finances.
A well thought out budget of where the household family money is spent is a necessity. The problem is, when one spouse spends too much money or there is no real financial plan and there is not enough to go around or to pay bills the arguing starts and leads to problems that are more serious.
Some of the hardest words to hear in a marriage, that creates more pressures and fights are, “we do not have enough money”.
Money management, not over extending yourselves and living within your means will relieve the stress that can destroy a relationship due to lack of money.
Your spouse is suppose to be the one person on earth you can trust more than anything but, when that trust has been compromised, it is nearly impossible to regain back again. It takes a very strong and rare person who could forgive and trust again the person who betrayed him or her.
Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal and where trust is lost in a marriage. Infidelity occurs partly because single women nowadays are so freely willing to give themselves sexually before marriage and single men are not real men anymore because there is no respect for woman. Sex before marriage is not sacred anymore and accepted as common, natural and free to do with anyone.
Perhaps this is why infidelity enters a marriage, because before marriage, it was so free, so common and natural to do with just anyone. When you have sex before marriage, the passion and interest can fade. After you get married there is not much to look forward to and the surprise of it all is gone.
Come on people, keep your chastity and have better morals, this is no surprise and everyone already knows they should.
With it being so easy to get a divorce, couples may feel it is easier to just end it and get divorced instead of sticking it out, working together at solving the problems and stay together through thick or thin, better or worse richer or poorer and all the rest.
When you pass a pet store and see a puppy, you fall in love with that puppy and want to take it home. You love and nurture it, feed, and exercise and take care of it. However, a puppy is a lot of hard work. It can destroy furniture and vet bills can be expensive, it takes a lot of time and effort to care for your pet and unfortunately, what happens, is some people stop caring for the dog and realize it is too much work and either give it away or drop it off at the pound. How sad. Where was the commitment? What happened to the love you had for this innocent animal that relied on you and expected to be loved and cared for by you, for life!
Marriage is like that puppy, you are committed for life, expecting you to love and care for them, not throw them away because it gets too hard. Those wedding vows you made to each other at your wedding were a commitment and most likely, you never thought that one day you would break those wows.
Stand strong and work through your issues, remind yourselves of the love you once had and still have for each other and the soul mates you believed you are.
In many cases, problems that exist now in the marriage existed before in the relationship. Those problems were either not resolved or ignored and then brought into the marriage with the hopes that somehow getting married would resolve those issues. The truth is it will not and adding those same issues along with all of the other challenges a marriage can create, will cause a lot of damage.
It is vital that each couple take a good look at themselves and at each one of these relationship destroyers and understand and commit that they will not allow them to come into their lives a take away that which is most precious to them, their love for each other.
Article also posted on Triond by Scott Hallock