If your first marriage didn’t work out, how do you know that
marriage # 2, 3, 4 going to be any better than marriage # 1?
According to wikipedia the median length for a marriage in the United States is currently 11 years.
The National Vital Statistics Report states that the United States divorce rate is 50%.
And the divorce rate for a second, third or fourth marriage is even higher.
Did that other marriage fail because of the other person? Were all the problems “that other” persons fault? Wouldn’t it be nice to think that it was!
You would think that after a person has had a couple (or more!) divorces a potential mate would think: hey – what is the common denominator? Could there be a pattern here? Or could it be that it just took that person traveling down that bumpy road to end up at this place where a true match can be made?
Many people do have a very successful marriage following a divorce.
What would give a second (third, fourth etc) marriage a better chance than a first marriage? Marriage counselors look for certain behaviors and patterns of interactions in couples that can predict both marital success and marital failure. Here are a few things that might work to the advantage of a couples chances of success in a second try at marriage.
• Maturity/age – more responsible behavior
• Lower expectations – awareness of difficulties and rough spots in life and not expecting everything to be
• Learned ability to communicate – speaking from the heart, and the ability to truly listen
• Better coping skills/problem solving methods
• Better, more stable financial situation
• More appreciation for the relationship
• Sexual expectations are more realistic
Nystul, M.S.(2006). Introduction to Counseling:An art and science perspective.Boston:Pearson