Once again science has given us a reason to keep smoking. A new study shows that “Researchers may have pinpointed a reason many smokers struggle to quit. According to new research published in the journal Addiction, smokers with a history of anxiety disorders are less likely to quit smoking”
According to the report, ” Out of all 1,504 study participants, 455 had had a panic attack in the past, 199 social anxiety disorder, and 99 generalized anxiety disorder …”
Now I like that last one. “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” sounds like a condition that, well, could cover about just anything.
Prosecutor:”Mr. Smith – why did you kill your wife?”
Mr. Smith: ” I have a history of Generalized Anxiety Disorder…”
Judge: “Not Guilty!”
Prosecutor: “Mr. Jones – why did you rob the bank?”
Mr. Jones: ” I have a Generalized Anxiety Disorder fear of Having No Money”
Judge:” Not Guilty”
Prosecutor: “Mr. Pro Athlete -Why Did You Take Steroids?”
Mr. Pro Athlete: ‘ I have a history of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and thought I needed steroids to stay in the pros and help my family.”
Judge:” Not Guilty”
Prosecutor: “Mr. Drug Lord, Why do you traffic billions of dollars of drugs a year across the border?”
Mr. Drug Lord: “I have a history of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and was worried about supporting all my employees.”
Judge: “Not Guilty.”
I don’t smoke but science has given all of us a perfect reason to smoke.
A partial list of my Generalized Anxiety Disorder would include:
- Sarah Palin being elected to anything.
- People taking the Tea Party seriously
- Congress tackling Health Care yet again
- Congress tackling anything
- Being stuck in an elevator and listening to Barry Manilow over and over and over.
- Bankers getting even more bailout money.
- The IRS
- Gas prices
- College tuition
- Drunk drivers
- Lack of steady paychecks
- Invading another country
- Lady GaGa as First Lady
- Snoop Dog being named United States Poet Laureate
- Rodger Clemens being named Major League Baseball Drug Czar
- Ozzy Osbourne School of Speech Therapy
- Chinese calling in their US Bonds
- Having my day disturbed by having a small meteorite hitting the earth
- They find Christ’s body
- Trying to keep up with Martha Stewart if she were my neighbor
- America’s education system
- Who is building the fence to keep illegal aliens out?
Here’s a final thought and you know it is SO true: Somewhere a defense attorney is reading this article and rubbing his hands together as he has just found a perfect way to free that ax-murderer – he had Generalized Anxiety Disorder