“Nowt so queer as folk” people used to say in northern England back in the days when queer meant weird.
Even so, you’d have to ask yourself – if you were a Sotheby’s auctioneer preparing to auction Elin’s jewellery gifts from Tiger Woods – “Who the heck is going to buy them?”
The auction aims to help Elin get rid of 2.5 million dollars worth of Tiger’s oh-so-sincere gold, silver and bejewelled trinkets. The cheating golfer bought the necklaces, bracelets, brooches and rings, including her engagement ring, from Tiffany, Cartier and Harry Winston among other highly reputed jewellery designers. (There’s no mention of the wedding ring – perhaps she threw it at him the night she chased him out of house.)
Undoubtedly people will buy the entire collection, because there’s always someone weird enough to buy anything. Perhaps they’ll make good investments as collectible pieces.
But if you’re a guy with a wife or girlfriend, ask yourself this: Would I (if I could afford it) buy a ring or bracelet bought by Tiger for Elin and give it as a present to my partner?
And if you’re a woman with a husband or boyfriend, what would you think if he came home and said lovingly “Here you are sweetheart. Look what I bought you. A lovely bracelet Tiger gave to Elin!”
It’s only my view, but I’d say it would be almost as hard to look neutrally at a gift from Tiger to Elin as it would be to look at a clock or lifejacket from the Titanic and not think about the ship going down. Could any but the most mercenary female happily put a ring on her finger or a necklace round her neck that had figured in the grotesque sham that was Tiger Woods marriage?
It’s hard to imagine what the atmosphere might be like in the Sotheby’s auction room as the notoriously po-faced auctioneers present each piece and ask for bids. Will there be stifled laughs as they solemnly intone the words “A gold Cartier watch inscribed with the words: To Elin as a token of my undying love and fidelity. Tiger.”?
As I write, it’s not clear when the auction will take place. If it’s before Christmas and there are men out there thinking they’ll snap up some bargain jewellery as a Christmas present for the wife, they’d better be pretty sure what her reaction will be before they wrap up a Tiger Woods brooch and put it under the Christmas tree. Otherwise they could find themselves being chased out of the house by a wife wielding a golf club!