Fantasia Barrino, former American Idol winner and acclaimed “Color Of Purple” actress, admitted to VH1’s “Behind The Music” that the recent overdose episode — where she was rushed to the hospital for a possible medication overdose — was no accident. People magazine reports that Barrino revealed she had just given up, and it was the words of a nurse that, once she had regained consciousness and realized that the suicide attempt would remain an attempt, moved her in a more positive direction.
“I just sat in the closet,” Barrino candidly noted, “and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.”
The attempted suicide occurred on Aug. 10. Her manager found her in her closet and called authorities. Fantasia Barrino was taken to a nearby hospital, according to the official Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police report, because of an “801-suicide.” The report also noted that the victim had “possible internal injuries” and that the Incapacity Type was “Medication.” In short, Barrino had appeared to take an overdose of aspirin and sleep aid.
The popular R&B singer told “Behind The Music”: “I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out. At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with — all of it, all of that s***.”
What had pushed Fantasia Barrino to the attempt to take her life was a media firestorm over allegations of her relationship with a married man, coupled with all her self-doubts, insecurities, and past experiences. She felt overwhelmed. The wife of Antwaun Cook had filed divorce papers the first week of August alleging that Fantasia Barrino had caused the break-up of her marriage. She even alleged that Barrino and Antwaun Cook, a man that Barrino insists told her he was separated from his wife when she began seeing him, had made sex tapes.
Barrino has denied that any such sex tapes exist.
With her work schedule bearing down (new album, second season of her reality show, shooting the movie version of the Broadway play “The Color Purple”) and her personal life collapsing, Barrino decided to end it all. Barrino said she “was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family — my father, dealing with men and their s*** — I was tired — my head was hurting me. I was over it.”
But when she realized that her attempt had failed, and she was still in her “hellhole” life, instead of being allowed to dwell on how and why she was in the hospital, her nurse pointed her in another direction.
“My nurse Melanie was a blessing into my life,” Barrino attested, “Because she didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear. She told me what I needed to hear. And she looked at me and said, ‘You gotta get up, and you’ve gotta get out of here, ’cause you haven’t fulfilled your destiny.’ I realized how people end up in the grave. Because that one moment of just breaking or feeling like ‘I can’t, I can’t go on, it’s too heavy.’ That was somewhere I don’t ever want to go again.”
Fantasia Barrino has plenty of destiny to fulfill and to keep her distracted from going to that place again, that much is certain. Her new album, “Back To Me,” hits stores Tuesday, Aug. 24. She will appear on ABC’s “Good Morning America” to help officially launch the new CD, her third. Fantasia will also appear on TBS’ “Lopez Tonight” Wednesday night as well.
“Fantasia Barrino: Behind The Music” premieres on VH1 Tuesday evening at 9:00 p.m. EST, following a marathon of the R&B star’s reality show. “Fantasia For Real” will begin airing new episodes (Season 2) on Oct. 2.
“Fantasia Barrino: Behind The Music,” VH1 Television via People.com