Sports fans have Fantasy Football. Why can’t “Dancing with the Stars” fans pick their own pairs too? I want to see the following stars paired with the dance pros—not because I think they’d win. I just want to see what would happen if these personalities had to find a way to mesh on the dance floor.
Derek Hough always seems to be awarded the most naturally talented star. Maybe he has an agreement with the boss, who knows, but the deck always seems stacked in his favor. It’s not that he isn’t a great dancer and an amazing choreographer, but let’s give him more of a challenge. At first I was thinking Betty White, but that choice would have obvious limitations. My choice for fun and frivolous Derek is none other than our Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.
Tony Dovolani is the guy always assigned to the “women over 50 set” (The exception being Audrina, who was mightily robbed). How about a young ball of fire for Tony. Let’s see him dance with Katy Perry (This time she wouldn’t get the boot for a low cut neckline). Or if she’s too busy being a newlywed, second choice would be Pink.
Cheryl Burke, also a frequent winner, seems to be all business in the practice room. I want her to have a partner to lighten things up. The perfect choice would be “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski, but unfortunately he’s a fictional character. How about…hmmmmmm….Howard Stern?
Kym Johnson, with the exception of Donny Osmond, gets the “mature” and flat-footed stars more often than is fair. In my world, she gets her reward. I don’t know if he can dance a lick, but I’m giving her Brad Pitt. They can just stand there and score points!
Julianne Hough is able to make almost anyone look good on the dance floor, and her partners have had a varying array of talents. I want to really test her mettle: I want to see her make a dancer out of Michael Moore.
And then there’s Maks. He finds a way to butt heads with his partner in almost every season. He wants what he wants when he wants it. Probably what makes him so good. But let’s make it a fair fight. I’d pair him with the force known as Madonna.
Mark Ballas can’t seem to stop himself from dancing circles around his partners. He needs someone who can steal the spotlight back. How about partnering him with Shakira, just to see who can out shimmy the other.
Finally, it’s a strong man who can hold his own with Karina Smirnoff–a man who is exacting and particular. A man who fires people at the drop of a hat. I’d just love to see her go toe to toe with Donald Trump.
These are my picks for a fantasy season of “Dancing with the Stars.” I think it would be great, but I know what you’re thinking. You’ve got better pairs than the ones I’ve chosen. Well go ahead, there’s plenty of room for comments—you know what to do!