There are conflicting reasons why the day after Thanksgiving is called Black Friday. Some say it originated in Philadelphia with the police referring to the massive traffic and pedestrian jams caused by anxious Christmas shoppers. Others trace it to the west coast when people “blacked out” the day to stay home with family rather than join in the shopping madness. Arguably, Black Friday is considered the busiest shopping day of the year. For me? I’d rather have a boil lanced, or eat tofu.
Five Reasons Why I Never Shop on Black Friday: I Don’t like People
I’ve never been a people person. I don’t play well with others, and the older I get the worse I react to others. I have become vocal enough in my disdain for bad manners and social incivilities that no one will shop with me, and I’d have to be out of my mind to shop without a back-up bag carrier. Not to mention the fact I am not fond of being raped, robbed, and molested in a department store. If I want to experience that, I’ll go to an airport security check-point.
Five Reasons Why I Never Shop on Black Friday: It’s a Money Issue
For some reason, I never have any money right after Thanksgiving. My yearly financial planning seems to thin out around the end of October. I mean, who plans on the freezer crapping out in July, or the roof blowing off in August? And I never remember those insurance premiums that show up every three months. (What is that all about? Can’t they just send a bill each month? These people should learn to catch me if they can, at the beginning of the month.) Sure, I could charge up a storm, but don’t you still have to pay for the stuff later, plus interest? With the credit card interest rates what they are, how is that saving money, I ask you?
Five Reasons Why I Never Shop on Black Friday: It’s a Driving Issue
One month is not enough time for me to lose my aggressive driving attitude. I cultivate it from April to October, thanks to the vacationing crazies that descend upon my town, and by the time the end of November rolls around, I am just beginning to unclench my molars. Blood begins to return to my white knuckles on the wheel. I take my “Get in, sit down, shut up, and hang on” decal down out of respect for those who dare to ride with me, and I put my plastic Luger back in the glove compartment. So, why on earth would I purposely stir up those ebbing waves of seething ire and risk the lives of all those nice people who challenge me in a parking lot?
Five Reasons Why I Never Shop on Black Friday: Mall Rats
Any day of the year upon entering a mall you are bound to encounter throngs of strange looking, foul mouthed kids who should be doing something like what normal people do…oh, I don’t know, like maybe actually buying something. Sheesh. Bad enough I have to weave around Uncle Gus and his entire family of twelve strolling abreast, stopping to browse at every freakin’ store front, but I tend to get into trouble from time to time while disciplining other people’s kids.
I just can’t help myself.
Five Reasons Why I Never Shop on Black Friday: Peace and Quiet
It must seem like I have no use for Black Friday, but actually I look forward to it. Bright and early, everyone in the house is up and out. The silence is glorious. I walk around in my underwear. I give the dog a piece of my chocolate doughnut. We live dangerously for several hours, forming our Black Friday bond. I let him drink out of my coffee cup. We take naps before lunch. I read a book as he chews on the laundry basket. The phone rings and I tell him to answer it. He never does, and I say, “Good boy!” He wags his tail and laps my computer.
As in everything, our blissful peace and quiet is short-lived. By dark, the cars begin to pull in. He looks at me, I look at him, and we sigh. We partner in empathy, the door flies open, and six gasping, exhausted people (and usually a few unknown stragglers) crash our tranquility. I ask if anyone remembered to buy me my nose clippers. What? Waddaya mean no? Black Friday indeed.