When you are in love and in a relationship, it is hard sometimes to tell if you are in an unhealthy relationship, as they say, “Love is blind,” and when things are going downhill, we like to make excuses and stay in relationship denial. But how do you know when your relationship is in serious danger?
Even though relationships go through ups and downs, if these problems happen regularly for a long period of time, then you should definitely think about breaking up with your partner or seek couples therapy to solve the issues in your relationship.
Red Flag #1: Constant Lying
A white lie or two is acceptable in a relationship, especially, when you thought your girlfriend’s pasta was a bit watery or that you love your man even when he is talking with a mouth full of food.
But what if you find out that your partner lies about where they are? Or who they see? Does your partner tell you they have something to do and will come back at a set time, instead, they don’t come home until the very next morning? When confronted about where they are, they lie about it?
Constant lying is a serious red flag, part of a relationship is to be honest about everything including where the person is and who they are going to be with.So if your partner constantly lies about their whereabouts and is keeping secrets, then you should think about moving on or ask them to break the lying habit in order to save the relationship.
Red Flag #2: Flirting With Friends
When you are out with your friends, does your partner engage in close and intimate conversation with your friends and kind of ignore you? Do they flirt with your friends like touch, giggle, and dance too close to your friends? If so, then pay attention to this red flag because it might be that your partner is flirting with your friends.
This is unacceptable dating behavior, the point of going out with others is to spend time together as a couple and be around the company of friends. If you see that your partner is getting too close to your friends with touching and hugging, and even exchanging contact information like email addresses and phone numbers, then it is best to talk to your partner about this and put a stop to it.
Tell them that it makes you feel uncomfortable that they are getting to close to your friends. It is fine to speak cordially and have a good time, but when your partner starts to pay more attention to your friends, rather than you, then it is time to start thinking about moving on.
Red Flag #3: Blaming You For Relationship Problems
If your partner constantly blames you for your relationship problems, then beware of some serious relationship denial. I remember dating a guy in 2005, he was always in denial. When we had some problems, I would try to talk to him, and he would blame me by saying, “You are making up these problems in your own head, I don’t have a problem with you, so stop blaming me for your imaginary problems.”
The point is if you date someone who constantly blames you, whenever you to talk him/her about a problem, it will feel like talking to a wall, because you will never get a response.
Red Flag #4: Never Apologizing
Have you heard the term, “Kiss and make up?” It is when couples have a problem, solve it, and kiss it good bye (in some cases, it’s also called “make-up sex”). But what happens when your partner never apologizes? When your partner does not apologize it suggests that they do not want to admit of any wrong doing. Saying “I am sorry,” implies that you were at fault, and a lot of times, men do not like to apologize because it means they hurt a woman in some way.
On the other hand, saying “I am sorry” and apologizing acknowledges that you understand that there was a problem and is finally putting it to rest. If you notice that your partner never apologizes then you should talk about it with them and mention how it hurts you. If there are no apologies after problems occur, then you should think about think about attending couple’s therapy.
Red Flag #5: Physical and Verbal Abuse
I am a strong advocate against domestic violence against women, I have friends who have been physically abused by men who were their husbands and boyfriends, and no matter what a woman has done to upset a man, hitting a woman is totally unacceptable behavior. The physical scars may disappear on a woman who has been beaten, but the emotional scars from verbal abuse are just as harmful to a woman’s self-esteem and self-worth.
What is verbal abuse? Verbal abuse are derogatory comments that hurt a person’s well-being such as: you are ugly, you will never be somebody, don’t wear that because you look like a slut, and you will never survive without me. The signs of verbal abuse are not so clear compared to physical abuse where you can see bruises and cuts, but if your partner constantly puts you down and you feel that your self-esteem is low, then you are being verbally abused.
Signs of domestic violence (verbal and physical) are depression, drug use, alcoholism, suicide, and promiscuity in the victim. I do believe that couples can get help if one becomes abusive towards their partner, but, I also believe that if someone is hurting you physically or verbally then it is not worth to stay with someone who obviously has a problem. If you are being verbally or physically abused by your partner, it is best to seek help by reporting it to your family, trusted friends, or authorities.