Oh, my poor guy. He gags to the point of puking at nearly anything even remotely disgusting, much to my delight. Here are some of the great opportunities I’ve had to just completely send him into a gagging, pukey mess, that perhaps you can utilize yourself if you’d like to take advantage of somebody’s sensitive gag reflex.
Point out your dog who is spewing diarrhea like a hose all over the grass. I did this to my fiance and he threw up all over the porch, his truck, the driveway, calling me numerous names in between retching while I laughed my fool head off. A great 7 minutes of pure entertainment.
Make sure to roll down the window every time you see a dead skunk in the road. I do this mainly because I just absolutely am turned on by the smell of skunk, but I get the added bonus of my fiance immediately puking out the window all over the side of my Malibu.
I chased my fiance with a dead, maggoty fox that I found on a ditch bank while we were picking asparagus with the kids. They rolled on the ground laughing while their dad once again retched all over in the Wal-Mart sack he was carrying (full of prime asparagus).
Make sure when you’re sick and puking and your loved one is trying to rub your back in consolation that you lean over and spew all over in his lap (hey, it was an accident!). Then you’re both puking and you don’t feel so bad for being ill. To further the enjoyment of being sick, make sure they are the one to clean out the puke bucket so you can hear them gagging in the bathroom while they dump all your crap in the toilet.
To make intimate moments more memorable, make sure to “qweef” when his face is right in the source so you can fully end all love-making for the night. Sheesh.
Send out silent “lady farts” when you’re walking by, turn back, and smile. He’ll smile back and then begin gagging about a minute later when you’ve already left the room. You might get a book thrown at you, but it’s worth the giggle.
Speaking of “lady farts”, take it one step further and do your number 2 right before he goes in to shower for the day. For reasons unknown, men hate the smell of what my man likes to call, “lady poop”. He says it smells just like baby poop and it just completely sets him to gagging until he pukes in the shower.
Feed him a candy bar full of ants that has been on the living room floor opened for 2 days, and make sure he takes a big ol bite the morning after a night of partying. This one happened totally by accident about 3 weeks into our dating, and it was the funniest thing I’d ever seen in my whole entire LIFE! I peed my pants, literally pissed my pants and was 45 minutes late to work while he ran around puking, screaming “Ants! Ants!” You get bonus points if ants are visibly crawling out of the candy bar while he’s puking on top of them. Good times.
Feed him the same candy bar every now and then, and even 2 years later he’ll still gag at the memory.
Ahh, the great many ways we tease the ones we love. And this poor dude STILL wants to marry me.