I was asked to contribute to a new romance website and it threw me through a loop– What is a key romantic issue worth writing about?
While I mulled over the problem on my gym’s treadmill, I heard the Lady Gaga song, ‘” Bad Romance” and it hit me. How do you survive and avoid a bad romance?
There must be a method to avoid a lifetime, or even a moment, of absolute horror!
Don’t be the victim of your own romantic fantasies and come to a terrible end as Lady Gaga’s alter ego does in the music video ” Bad Romance”. It makes for good music but it is an awful way to live or die.
A word of practical advice? I know it seems obvious, but so many people avoid thinking at all about their future when falling head over heels in love with a lousy partner. Think alimony, murder, divorce and just plain ugly nasty fights which might have been avoided in the first place.
Rules to avoid heartbreak and Lady Gaga’s trip over the balcony…
1. If someone makes you uncomfortable. Run. Fast.
Don’t walk away with sympathy and patience. You may not get a second chance.
Those butterflies in your stomach are really knots of fear. Trust your instincts and don’t try to spare the feelings of a weirdo. Just excuse yourself and find the nearest exit. Don’t delay the inevitable or your picture may end up on 48 hours with a sad caption like ” Who killed the poor thing?”
Just last week, I read about a girl– just 17 years old— with an infant daughter murdered by her boyfriend who drove his truck through her bedroom wall in a failed suicide attempt. Even sadder then this bizarre incident is that she left behind a three year old child. This is a girl who started young making bad romantic choices —- that lack of perception culminated in a terrible choice to be intimate with a psychopath.
2 So what’s makes a bad romance? Unstable mates and infidelity, a combination that does not mix well.
It is not just young girls but men and older women who fall for the wrong mate and don’t know how to leave, or don’t completely sever the cord immediately. They may pay the ultimate price for stalling the break up moment.
Remember the Scarsdale diet doctor who was killed by the school marm? Jean Harris and Dr Tarnower ended up as the subject of a made for TV movie.
Heres’ the teaser: The Diet guru was a very seasoned dater who began dating a new women
without breaking it to Headmistress Harris who didn’t take the news well. In fact, Jean Harris drove up to his house high on the meds the good doctor had prescribed her and blew his brains out. Not a good ending.
Moral of the story: Be honest and fair to your last lover and don’t prescribe “feel good” meds to them either.
3. Make sure you tell the other person and then clear out of town if they are volatile
One of the most famous incidents was Hollywood starlet Dorothy Stratton who, while involved with director Peter Bogdonovich went home to get some belongings and was killed in a sadio masochistic manner by her soon to be ex husband.
Moral of the story:
No matter what you have to leave behind, don’t stay involved with a person who feels wrong.
Don’t worry about their feelings, they will survive. They may think you are a chicken for jumping ship so early in a relationship or overreacting to their overtures. Let them think whatever they want. Just don’t go back.
A good motto to live by: If It feels wrong, it is wrong. Trust your gut feelings and leave your belongings behind.
4. Less dramatic then bad romantic endings are relationships where you have different priorities and financial ideas.
If you find your partner is either an incredible spendthrift or a scrooge, this is the makings of ” A Bad Romance”.
Leaving a relationship later— with piles of dept created by your spouse— that is much worse than leaving the guy or gal early on after you establish that you are a saver and he or she is a hopeless spender.
He or she may promise to change but they won’t. Trust me on that one.
The AMEX bill will eventually find you and it won’t be a pretty sight. On the other hand, if your guy or gal embarrasses you with their tightwad ways in public, it may be an even worse romance if you hide your head in shame after every dinner date as he tips the waiter 8 percent. People don’t normally change their personality so if you are hoping to reform your scrooge, forget it. You will spend your life arguing about the price of paper towels.
3. He or She has horrible friends and family members.
I hate to say it but look closely at the friends he or she keeps. Watch for the odd family quirk that might make you insane after 15 years of enduring strange family rituals at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
4 A bad romance might be avoided if you carefully note how your mate interacts with friends and family.
If he or she neglects the parents, they might neglect you in your time of woe. Even worse, He or she may grow to despise or abuse the good nature of the people who show love as “needy” and pesky annoyances.
5. How they treat you in moments of crisis
If your mate is mean, agitated and dismissive of you at the exact moment when you too should come together as one to solve a problem. Forget it. A mate should be a helpmate not part of the problem.
6 How they treat your problems
If they dismiss your problems as petty, they may a bad romantic partner in the end . The world is hard enough, you need someone who understands your fragile nature and cuddles you after a hard day.
These are not all the rules, but I think it is a good start to avoiding mean and dangerous lovers. Just ask Lady Gaga. People can be strange. Good Luck!