Well, the wait was long, but worth it! Glee is back and as great as ever. Spoilers throughout!!!!!
The show starts with an in your face interview man-on-the-street style by the AV department’s own Jacob. In the course of the speed interviews, we learn that: Rachel and Finn are dating and have been all summer, Rachel is as controlling as ever, Tina broke up with Artie for Mike and Puck got a vasectomy because it was ‘the responsible thing to do”. Lastly, Kurt is sick of the blogs and asks the audience not hide behind their computers, but say it to his face (cue the Slushie facial!) and Glee is back!
Will is down because more people are signing up for the Garden Club than for New Directions (even though N.D. is accepting everyone). If the club wants to make it to NYC for Regionals, they will need more people.
Sue advises Will he needs to make the glee club more exclusive like she has done with the Cheerios. The girls have been lining up all summer and one even ate a pigeon. Will explains that his goal with glee club is to include everyone (and an episode theme is born).
Sue and Will are called into Principal Figgins’s office to meet the new football Coach Shannon Beiste (Dot Jones – Boondock Saints, Nip/Tuck) and also learn that their budgets being cut to provide more money for the football program. You can imagine how well this is received, especially by Sue.
Will tells the kids they have to get out and recruit new blood. Faster than you can grab a boom box and organize a costume change, the crew is sporting NYC shirts and performing Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” in the school courtyard during lunch. All of the students are ultimately disinterested except two (a blonde boy with an exceptionally large mouth and an Asian girl with glasses).
Sue hatches a plan to drive out Coach Beiste by making her feel unwelcome and playing on her insecurities and enlists Will to help.
The bespectacled Asian girl turns out to be Filipino foreign exchange student, Sunshine Corazon (Filipino pop star Charice). Rachel hears her singing in the bathroom and next thing you know, Rachel’s claws are out and she’s initiating a sing off to Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”. Turns out (shockingly, I know) that Sunshine has a great voice and Rachel says she’ll get back to her about auditions (yeah right).
Rachel tells Mercedes and Kurt about Sunshine’s amazing voice and warns them that it’s not in their best interest to allow her to audition. They aren’t on board with Rachel’s plan.
Finn comes across the blonde kid singing (very well) in the shower. Finn later invites the kid, Sam (newcomer Chord Overstreet also appearing in next week’s No Ordinary Family) to audition. After answering questions about his big mouth, he and the guys sing Travie McCoy’s “Billionaire” and they invite him to join the club.
Sue and Will bully Coach Beiste in the lunch room by not letting her sit at their otherwise empty tables. She leaves in tears and heads to the locker room. Still enraged over the lunch incident and embarrassed that her team caught her crying, Beiste is not in the mood to entertain Finn’s brilliant idea of letting Artie join the team as a human/wheelchair plow. Thinking he is trying to pull a prank on her, Beiste cuts Finn from the team, effective immediately.
Quinn tries out for the Cheerios and is swiftly denied by Sue. Sue’s still bitter over Quinn’s betrayal of her (by getting knocked up) and makes several nice comments about stretch marks. Quinn makes the point that she can get the squad extra funding from Christian groups by preaching abstinence and leaves with a smile. Finn tries out with horrible and funny results because he was cut from the football team and needs something cool to even out the glee club nerd factor.
Sue lets Will know about Finn’s dismissal from the football team in the hopes that she can take Beiste down another notch. Finn, Sue and Will go to Figgin’s office to try to force Coach Beiste to take Finn back on the team to no avail.
Sue knows Santana got a boob job over the summer. Sue can take many things, but a breast enhancement is not one of them. Santana is demoted from Head Cheerleader and taken down to bottom of pyramid. This way her new boobs can help cushion the others if they fall. This paves the way for Quinn to be Head Cheerleader again. Santana and Quinn viciously fight in the hall over Head Cheerleader spot and Will breaks them up.
The club waits all day for people to show up for auditions and no one does. Rachel is in quite a hurry to call it a day. (Just in case Sunshine does make it?)
Brittany and Sue go to Principal Figgin’s office to accuse Coach Beiste of “inappropriate touching”. Will comes in, realizes it’s a ruse and talks Brittany into giving up the truth. Which Brittany immediately does and then says she “really wanted to touch her boobs”. (I foresee a Santana and Brittany hookup in our future…)
Just as Sue and Will are about to square off about his abandonment of their plan, Mike and Tina tell Will that Rachel sent Sunshine to a crack house so she would miss the audition. Will confronts Rachel and she confesses. Rachel tries to convince Tina and Mike it was for them and they’re not buying it. Will tells her to fix it.
Rachel apologizes to Sunshine and invites her to audition. Cut to: the auditorium, where Sunshine sings “Listen” from the movie Dreamgirls and is amazing of course. Rachel and Finn look worried, but the rest of club is crazy-excited and Sunshine is in.
Will joins Coach Beiste for lunch to apologize, which she accepts. Sue shows up to offer them cookies as a gesture to foster goodwill. Cookies made with dog poop! Will tells Sue he’s not playing this stupid game anymore. Sue vows that they will regret it
Finn asks Sam why he didn’t show up to auditions. Sam explains that he’s the new guy and already starting out on the outside. He doesn’t want to make it worse by nerding it up with the glee crew. Turns out that after Finn’s dismissal from the team, Sam is the new Quarterback.
Will finds Sunshine in the hallway and wants to talk to her about glee club. Next thing you know, the new coach of Vocal Adrenaline, Dustin Goulsby (Cheyenne Jackson – 30 Rock, Finian’s Rainbow on Broadway) steps in to inform Will that Sunshine is now singing for them. Will is confused as to how Vocal Adrenaline even knew about Sunshine. Bet you can guess that it was Sue Sylvester who made the phone call. Sunshine tells Will that she just didn’t trust the glee club after Rachel had sent her to a crack house.
Mercedes and Kurt stare at Rachel with disapproval.
Finn gives Rachel the business for her part in losing Sunshine. Rachel tells Finn to just break up with her already. Finn thinks she should break up with him because he’s a loser now that he’s not the Quarterback. They kiss. (Awww…)
Rachel says again that what she did to Sunshine, she did for the club. Finn makes her admit it was really all for her and that Rachel should apologize to the club for screwing up.
Rachel walks away and sings “What I Did for Love” from Broadway’s A Chorus Line while walking inside auditorium. Cue the montage of the cast considering all of their possible regrets.
When she’s done, Rachel goes into the choir room assumedly to apologize. We’ll see…
Next week: Brittany episode!
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