Americans used to live a happy and carefree life, until Al Gore – the world’s most famous scientist – invented global warming. For those of you who don’t know, global warming is created by second-hand smoke and people having unprotected sex.
Global warming causes the earth to heat up and make places like Minnesota and Wisconsin livable in the wintertime. Officials in California and Florida and against global warming, because they are afraid that tourism would drop in their states if people were able to actually survive in the Upper-Mid-West year round; conversely, officials in Minnesota and Wisconsin are totally in favor of global warming, as witnessed by all the second-hand smoke and unprotected sex they are having up there.
One would think that Canada would be in favor of global warming, but they are actually against it, due to the fact that ice is their biggest export.
Besides tourism in California and Florida, global warming also harms polar bears, who seem to like living in really cold weather.
Global warming would force all the polar bears to live in zoos, where they can be fooled into thinking that they are living in a cold climate by painting all the warm concrete white so it resembles snow (yes, this actually fools them).
Polar bears are really stupid, and so is global warming.