This Halloween, I’m finally going to watch the movie “Halloween”. You know, the one starring Michael Moore….or is it Michael Myers? I always got these two names confused so I thought I’d do some of my renowned investigating. As it turns out, these two quirky, huggable teddy bears have a lot more in common than “Halloween” and that other flash in the pan that did pretty well. These two guys could be soul mates. Let’s take a look and you can decide for yourselves.
Michael Myers, at the age of six, murdered his sister.
Michael Moore gave up the seminary and became an “Eagle Scout”.
Michael Myers continued murdering a ton of people, got shot six times and fell off a balcony.
Michael Moore dropped out of University of Michigan, sued Mother Jones, and used his out of court settlement to finance “Roger & Me”.
Michael Myers returned from a sanitarium to stalk a babysitter and killed just about everyone he came in contact with.
Michael Moore should have gone to a sanitarium after he produced “Pets of Meat” and “Canadian Bacon”, which also should have killed his career.
Michael Myers recovered from a 10 year coma at the Ridgemont Federal Sanitarium, caused a city-wide black-out, and massacred the town’s police force, before he was “shot down a mine shaft by the state police”.
Michael Moore apparently was in a coma for about 10 years (possibly from a McDonald’s overdose), recovered and caused Charlton Heston to black out, and emerged as a far left political populist who couldn’t fit in a mine shaft.
One of Michael Myers victims faked her death and was living in California with her son.
Most of Michael Moore’s victims faked their deaths and are now living in California under assumed names.
Michael Myers killed a bunch of college students filming a reality show , but a couple of them managed to trap him inside a burning garage.
Michael Moore appeared for a bunch of college students with ramen to reward those who promised to vote, and a couple of them managed to pry the noodles out of his greedy little fists.
Michael Myers killed animals as a child and was abused by his mother and her boyfriend. He began creating papier mache masks, and killed his abusers. Upon reaching adulthood, he reunited with his sister, who shot him in self defense. Of course Michael Myers isn’t dead. He’s still appearing in movies, novels, and video games.
Michael Moore‘s parents were “Irish Catholic Democrats, basic liberal good people’, which in no way explains Moore’s dillusions of grandeur. Although “adulthood” has eluded him, he has produced a few documentaries and self-serving movies. His not so famous quote claiming McDonald’s “took more lives than the terrorist attacks” was recently undermined by a Fox camera man who took a shot of him ordering six Big Mac’s and a gallon of Diet Coke. He is now living in Dubai under an assumed name, working in the oil industry.