Previously published in Examiner
Part 2 of the abused men series
How many men are abused in a relationship?
Montreal, Canadian and American men are afraid to call the police for fear that they will be laughed at. Therefore, so many cases go unreported. We may not have a clear understanding of just how many men are actually being abused in a domestic situation. However, modern research is suggesting that the division is more like 50/50. Previously it was thought that one third of the men in a marriage or relationship are abused.
On the other hand, according to a study which was mentioned on Canada.com, there is only about a one percent difference between domestic abuse suffered by either gender.
Who is doing the abusing?
Male domestic abuse does not end with wives abusing their husband, or girlfriends abusing their live-in boyfriends, male domestic abuse occurs among homosexual partners as well. Canada.com reports that a survey taken between 1991 and 2004 indicated that domestic abuse was twice as rampant among homosexual couples.
How is a man abused?
Hitting slapping, punching, having things thrown at them
Destroying their property
Smashing their equipment, tearing their clothes, selling or giving away their property without asking, abusing their animals
Name calling, swearing, berating, withholding love and nurturance
Constantly telling the man, you are no good, you are not good enough, you are a failure, you are a useless excuse of a man, you can’t even make a decent salary, you are lazy, you are not good enough for a promotion, you eat like a slob, you dress like a slob, I am ashamed to go out with you in public and so on.
Years of this type of abuse will make anyone, man or woman, lose their confidence and their self esteem. During brainwashing the person is always isolated, not allowed to associate with the outside world, deprived of friends or anyone else who can help them.
Gaslighting happens when the spouse or abusive individual denies your feelings, your ability to think and rationalize, and denies things you know to be true. For example, you had a disagreement and your abuserl said you were stupid, you confront the person and they deny it, stating that if you continue to claim that they said it then you are really stupid, or you are just trying to be confrontation, or want to pick a fight for no reason at all.