As many of you know, I have started my own Repair Advice Column for Home Owners. Of course I am not sure why Home Owners are capitalized but I can address that issue in my Advice Column for English Majors, of course I have no idea why English Majors…
Oh STOP, just STOP, this is getting is us NO WHERE, of course I have no idea why NO WHERE is in caps…
Anyway, many skeptics out there wonder why I am qualified to write a home repair column.
Remember that time I hung a picture and drove a nail into the wall without hitting my thumb?
Remember that time I replaced a light bulb and it took me only three trips to the hardware store to get the right bulb?
Remember that time I had a leaky faucet and sold the house and moved to an apartment? Seemed like a fine solution to me.
Remember that time I fell off the roof hanging Christmas lights?
Remember that time I had installed a sprinkler system in my yard that almost worked? Hey the sidewalk needed sprinkling too! Don’t be so closed minded.
Remember that time I solved the problem of the broken dryer and installed that clothes line outside?
Remember the time I changed the locks all by myself. Oh wait – that was my ex-wife. Okay ex-wives.
Remember that time I fixed that broken pipe? And I ask you why can’t you use a flooded basement for a swimming pool?
Remember that friend of mine with the broken icemaker – oh wait , she changed the locks too. Never mind.
Okay, we all have to remember the broken garbage disposal and how I fixed it so it would spit garbage at you? Think how much it improved the kids’ reflexes. If nothing else, I am all about educating my kids.
Well, I really don’t think I have to list any more of my home improvement skills. In fact, I just rewired a lamp and just plugged it in. And as soon as we can get that pesky fire under control, I can get back to writing my repair advice column.
By the way, if you have just a small fire in your house, don’t call the fire department. They just bring a axe and lots of water, which will not increase the value of your home. See there’s a useful tip right there and another reason to read my ADVICE column.
Hmm why is ADVICE in caps?
Say good night Steph. Good night Steph.