Grandfathers. So hard to buy for. What to do. Well, if grandpa is still working in corporate America, a nice tie is still okay, sorta. Maybe a fun tie. Maybe a light-up tie. Maybe a bow tie. A big one. A big polka-dotted one. Don’t do it, just walk away from the ties.
Okay then, moving on to cologne. This one smells like a man. Musky, burning wood, spicey. Wait! The Avon lady is coming next week, let’s buy him a large brown boat with who knows what scent is in it. He always liked fishing, didn’t he? Fishing pole? Naw, he’s got one. You only need one.
Socks! Yes! His hairy, boney legs need to stay warm don’t they? How about these long white tube socks? He could pull them all the way up to his knees and stay warm. No, wait! One piece flannel underwear! The kind with the flap in the back! That’s perfect! We really care about grandpa being warm.
Ooo now, I see one of those hunting caps over in accessories. The flannel kind with the fake fur or fleece inside the big flaps to cover his ears. Don’t all grandpas wear those? No, he wouldn’t like the fedora. Too stylish.
Tools! Yes! I know he likes tools, he has hundreds of them. Those craftsman tool sets he has stacked in his garage are boring. He needs some of these with pretty fake wood handles that are made in China. He’ll like those for sure. How about a funny tool clock for his workshop? Yeah, a great big one because you know once you hit 60 you can’t see anymore. A loud one too that chimes twice an hour.
Wait a minute, look at all the board games. Grandpa loves to play games with us for hours and hours. He doesn’t have anything else to do but go fishing, work in the garage or shovel snow. I’m sure he’d like this really loud one with flashing lights that takes eight DD batteries to run for two hours. It looks like a lot of fun. Or maybe that fake parrot that repeats everything you say. Yep. Gotta get that for sure.
What? Look at gift cards? Hmmm, let’s see. Home Depot, nope, Sears Hardware, nope, the Gun Shoppe, nope, oh here’s one. Ballroom dancing lessons. Six for the price of two. He’ll love this for sure. Oh, let’s get two. Yes! I found the perfect one! An exercise club membership. He’s sure to know we love him when he opens this for Christmas!