In a perfect world, all parents would be selfless, loving individuals who always put the needs of their children before their own. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. When a parent’s first instinct is what benefits them, rather than what benefits their child, this can be extremely hurtful and disappointing to the child. While a minor child does not have much recourse when dealing with a selfish parent, the adult child can choose to no longer allow this behavior to devastate them. This article will deal with what steps an adult child can take, to diminish the pain that is caused by a selfish parent.
Realize The Shortcoming Is Not Yours.
It can be natural for the child to assume responsibility for the parent’s negative behavior. If the parent is generally unconcerned and unwilling to make any sacrifice for the benefit of the child, he or she may feel it is due to some fault of their own. After all, shouldn’t parents’ main priority always be their children? Therefore, if a parent seems to be lacking in this self sacrificing and generous spirit, it must be due to some negative attribute of the child. Right? Absolutely not. The first step in coming to terms with a selfish parent is to realize none of the blame falls on the child. It is a sad but true fact that some people are just incredibly selfish and self centered, and having a child does not necessarily change that.
Be Honest When Your Parent’s Selfish Behavior Hurts You.
Sharing your hurt feelings with the parent may not be enough to curb selfish behavior in the future, but you will feel strong and confident within yourself. Let your parent know what specific behavior causes you to feel uncared for and disrespected. Though the parent may not be willing to change to suit your needs, you will feel stronger and more self assured for letting your mother or father know how you feel. You will feel more emotionally healthy without dragging around a weight of unexpressed feelings.
Find What You Need Elsewhere.
If your parent is emotionally selfish, chances are you have other people close to you that can give you the love and support you need. It may be a grandparent, aunt or uncle, or close family friend. If the selfish parent can never seem to come through when you need assistance with child care, preparing for a holiday gathering, or being there to support your child’s achievements and special events, turn to those more willing to give of their time and attention. If you open your mind to the fact that other people will be more than happy to be an active participant in your life, you will surely have your needs met.
Accept Your Parent, Selfishness And All.
Unfortunately, we can not make people what we want them to be. It would be wonderful if parents could be held up on a pedestal until they take their last breaths. The truth is that parents are human and are flawed beings. Try to focus on all the wonderful qualities of your parent, and accept the ones that are not so wonderful. Develop as close and loving relationship with that parent as you can, while working to minimize the circumstances where his or her selfish behavior causes you pain and disappointment. Concentrate on the happy and fulfilling areas of your life, without dwelling on trying to change or improve your parent. You will be the better person for it.