How can you tell if your husband is cheating on you? There are several phrases that are dead giveaways for a spouse having extra marital thoughts or activities. Let’s take a brief look at some of them;
1) “Don’t you trust me?”
“Behold, ye trust in lying words that cannot profit.”
Jeremiah 7:8, The Bible KJV
What this passage from the Bible is trying to tell us is that lies will never do anybody any good. Lies can only lead to a downfall of some kind. To believe the lies, without question, even though we know, or highly suspect, them to probably be false, is to trust something that cannot do us any good; we cannot profit. To trust something that cannot do us any good is only to promote our own Progression of Despair.
When your mate uses a sentence like “Don’t you trust me?” don’t trust him! He is in an aura of deep mistrust himself. He accuses you of not trusting him simply to get the beacon of guilt shining at you once again. He doesn’t trust you because he has no idea what you may do. He knows you are on to him and he has to stay one step ahead of you. Trust has nothing to do with a healthy relationship. You don’t just blindly trust someone, particularly when their activities beg you not to trust them. Why won’t your spouse just answer your questions, regardless of how probing they may be? Where is the harm? Let him snicker and raise an eyebrow but just give you the answer when you ask him where has he been. Don’t let him off the hook for the sake of trust.
2) “I said I was sorry.”
“For if I make you sorry, who is he then that maketh me glad, but the same which is made sorry by me.”
2 Corinthians 2:2, The Bible KJV
In other words, why am I making you, my partner, sorry? You are the one that makes your mate happy. If your mate makes you sorry who is going to make him / her glad? Your mate should not be making you sorry. Your mate should not be making you experience anguish, grief or despair because you are the one who is there to make him happy. Neither of you should be making each other sorry in any form or fashion. You are both there for each other’s happiness and enjoyment, not to cause grief for each other.
When a spouse starts throwing this one around you can almost bet he is cheating. He doesn’t mind mouthing the words “I’m sorry!” In fact he looks at it as an obligation. He has to at least appear to be regretful. All the time he is trying to totally detach himself from the family and his home life. “I’m sorry. There I said it, are you happy now.” Somehow he has gotten the idea that saying those words covers up all of his sins. The words mean nothing to him. There is nothing sorry about him. All the mouthing of the words does, is allow him to make whatever mistake he wants, as long as he says, “I’m sorry.”
3) “Grow up, get with the times”
“Such is the way of an adulteress woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness.”
Proverbs 30:20, The Bible KJV
The sin of his actions is so seldom recognized by the one doing the deed. He doesn’t think he is wrong and he does not want to be thought wrong. He is still trying to justify his actions. He is still trying to lay guilt upon you, the good partner while he, the bad partner, enjoy himself and his iniquities. He has to be able to discount any wrong doing that could have been attached to his actions because he needs that good feeling of not having done anything wrong. He knows he is in the wrong but if he can convince himself he is not, then he will feel so much better about himself and his actions.
He sees his changes as only a product of the environment. Everyone else is doing this so we ought to move on with them. The cheating spouse will now demand you do as others are doing. It is your responsibility to elevate yourself to the height of the masses as he sees it. It’s common for couples to share with other couples. This is what it is all about he moans. Whatever it is he suggests doing no longer means anything to him. He doesn’t see good from bad any longer. He is so deep into the spiraling progression of despair that he is convinced he is doing the right thing. You have more than likely lost him at this stage. He has alienated himself, you, his friends and both of your families.
4) “Don’t ask, it’ll only hurt you.”
“Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
Proverbs 9:17, The Bible KJV
Stolen waters equates to the extra-relational diversion your partner is seeking. It can be anything that he is pursuing that you do not want him to pursue. In our case this diversion is the physical cheating with another person. Part of what makes a person cheat is the sweetness of the event. Doing something in secret and keeping it from someone, has always been a thrill, a high of sorts. There are many other “Stolen waters,” we don’t have to restrict ourselves to sexual encounters. Drinking, taking drugs, shoplifting, gambling, smoking, most anything fits the bill of “Stolen Waters.” As long as it is something one of the partners does not want the other to partake in, or something that could be mentally or emotionally harmful to one of the partners, it qualifies for “Stolen Waters.” In our case right now, it is the illicit, extra-relational, intimate encounter.
The cheating spouse is actually cheating right out in the open now. You can’t point at his actions and say what are you doing because he is keeping things covered up. He doesn’t try to hide too much unless you are right on top of him. Then he may say something like “Don’t look, it’ll only hurt you.” He knows the things he is doing or saying are hurting you deeply but he is so bewildered by this time that he thinks if he can keep it under wraps long enough, even if he admits it to you, as long as you don’t experience it first hand he can get away with it.
5) “I need some ME time.”
“Woe unto him that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!”
Isaiah 5:20, The Bible KJV
Your mate knows it’s wrong but he wants to disguise it as good. He knows what he is doing is dark but he wants to believe it is light. He fully realizes the bitter taste it puts in your mouth but he needs to think it is sweet. He wants to make things look good as much for you as for himself.
Your spouse is far too deep into this extra relational distraction to think of anything else. Even while he partakes he thinks of how wrong it is. He isn’t stupid, it’s just that he has let himself get too tangled in the web of sin and destruction. He is totally lost as far as trying to save your marriage from an affair.
12) “We need to see some one.”
“I will forgive his iniquity, and I will remember his sin no more.”
Jeremiah 31:34, The Bible KJV
This is God speaking through Jeremiah in one of Jeremiah’s many sermons. He is simply saying he will forgive man’s transgressions and will forget them as well. This is difficult to do but its required if you are to say you have truly forgiven someone. The Hebrew word here, translated forgive, literally means “to cover,” or “to lift up or away” or “to deliver.” All meanings indicate a permanent removal of deserved punishment and condemnation. Punishment deserved for the act performed and condemnation deserved for the lasting effects of the act. To forgive would mean to forego all punishment.
Your spouse has realized his fantasy. Even as he condemned himself, he stayed the course and committed the ultimate sin against you. Now he begs you to forgive him, to help him, to be with him. He wouldn’t say it before, but now, since he has sated his evil appetite, he is ready to go with you to wherever or whomever you deem required. You are in the driver’s seat now. Your decision will direct your next action. He will be desperate, he will lie, he will beg, he will plead. Remember what you have just been through. Think also of your current state of affairs and make the best decision you can.