Every now and then I think it is important to feel stupid. So whenever I want to feel stupid, I go to sciencedaily.com and try to figure out what the hell they are talking about. In fact I recently read a recent article that I tried to understand, but I gave up after two minutes of hacking, or trying to hack through scientific jargon.
Sure I know that two minutes doesn’t sound like a long time , but that is about the extent of my attention span. On the bright side, it is lucky I wasn’t a heart surgeon. I would have your heart halfway out of your body, my two minutes would be up, and I would hand the scapel to the janitor, tell him to take over and I would either walk to the local bar or curl up on a couch somewhere for a nap.
Sure, I would have qualms, we should all have qualms , in fact, I think they are having a blue light special on qualms at K-Mart, if it is in business past Saturday.
But I would have qualms and after I woke up from my nap or finished my drink, I would poke my head into the operating room, ask the janitor. “How are you doing buddy? “, then go off to the couch or bar again.
But this time I don’t think it is my limited attention span. Sciencedaily.com proves that there is a secret writing course for science writers somewhere. You actually flunk the course if you write anything that anyone can understand at any time.
For example, let’s pick an article at random. The article is entitled “New Propulsion Method Developed for Metallic Micro And Nano-Objects.” Now I know a snappy title when I see one, and that ain’t it. But I can vaguely understand what the title is trying to say, or at least Ithink I do. They have found a new way to propel small objects. And they should be proud of themselves.
In fifth grade,if this would help their research any, I was very good at propelling small objects , aka spitballs, across the room using just a straw and good lungs. I will be by my phone if they need me.
But the fact that I can semi-understand the title, means that the person who wrote it was kicked out of Scientific Writing School.
But I admit that after the title, I was just lost and the person who wrote the entire article graduated Cuma sum Confusion at the head of his class at Scientific Writing School.
Here is a paragraph from the article.
“Several approaches are currently being explored to induce controlled directional motion of nano-or micro-objects. In particular, scientists are studying the use of so-called ‘fuel molecules’ which, by decomposing, can propel a dissymmetric object. Other potential avenues include reproducing natural systems by mimicking the motion of bacteria or the rotation of well-known biological systems such as ATP synthase.”
Look, you are a smart person. I will let you figure out what the hell they are talking about. My two minutes of attention span is exhausted and I must check to see how that janitor is doing on the heart surgery, then use the rest of my energy to find a comfortable couch.
November 7). New propulsion method developed for metallic micro- and nano-objects. ScienceDaily. Retrieved November 7, 2010, from http://www.sciencedaily.com /releases/2010/11/101103152000.htm