I’ve been a bad girl—a very bad girl. Actually, I started off in an effort to be a good girl when it came to scheduling my mammogram appointment for my annual “squishing” at the Women’s Breast Center. But I turned into a bad, bad girl when I cancelled each and every one for a total of ten times that spanned a two year period. I should get a whippin’ for not staying “abreast” (pun intended) of something so important to a woman’s health.
Each time I called to cancel, I hoped they were simply erasing the appointment and it disappeared into outer space. I assumed they had no clue of my escape plot or retained a memory of my name. Hmm — perhaps, I should have used an alias. I suppose it was wishful thinking to hope that breast cancer could be erased just as easily.
Here’s is my reasoning for having been so remiss: I just didn’t feel like hearing possible bad news. What kind of pathetic excuse is that? And here are two reasons why this relatively mature (?) woman should know better:
1)My father was a doctor and early cancer detection was of utmost importance to him. If he were alive, he would be highly disappointed in my neglectfulness.
2)I had a scare several years ago which turned out okay, but should have left me even more aware of the need to be a faithful once a year visitor.
Following along in my typical style, I would have once again cancelled the most recent one. Mysteriously, however, a friend told me she had a dream that I had been canceling my mammograms. I was shocked because she had no clue of my subterfuge with my “squishing” appointment. I wondered if it were, perhaps, a spiritual nudging.
Sooo — .on the day of my inevitable appointment, I sucked it up, decided I would keep it and I bravely walked into the breast center. I said to the nice lady at the front desk, “Are you shocked I’m here?” I realized I had developed quite a reputation there when she said, ‘˜If you’re Hunter Darden, we’re all surprised! ” They showed me my folder with the stacks of ten cancellation notes. Obviously, they didn’t erase names and I was BUSTED!! (pun intended again)
Fortunately, my report was good news and my fear was eased. So, girls, I am here to tell you to please not run in fear from your YEARLY mammogram. The atmosphere at the Women’s Breast Health Center is friendly. The ladies go out of their way to make you feel comfortable. There is merely a slight sense of entrapment, but ahh, when the machine releases, you feel the most wonderful sense of freedom for a necessary cause. But more, importantly, you know you did the right thing for yourself, your friends and your family.
My one suggestion would be, perhaps, a limo service and handcuffs, if needed, for those especially obstinate ones. And maybe even delicate finger sandwiches and a glass of celebratory champagne. (I’m sure health care coverage would go for that.)
Anyway, it took all of this for me to say: DON’T BE A BOOB! (allow me one last pun) All kidding aside, ladies please make your appointments today for your yearly “squishing.” Better yet, KEEP IT! It may save your life.