I am a freedom-fighter. My freedom is greater than that of others’. I have the right to summarily dismiss the personal and moral validity of all those who don’t believe as I do. God only says what I think he says. How dare those others presume to argue with me. If god is on my side then they can only be speaking for the devil. What does it matter if I have no way of proving that god is speaking through me and not them? I have my religious book to pound the table with while they have nothing but their intellect and acute sense of sanity. Sanity is overrated, anyway.
The world is divided into good and evil. I am the good, certain words in the bible told me so (and the other words that don’t, those were obviously meant for someone else)! And because I am with the good, I shall prevail in the end. And if I don’t feel like waiting for the end, then I will simply jump start the prevailing part. After all, faith is dead without work. The prophesies I infer when I read the Good Book will come true because I will make them come true even though the Good Book didn’t designate me to do them (god has so many children it is unreasonable to demand that he remembers to put everyone’s name in the Book. At any rate, He didn’t even write it, so that’s beside the point).
One must be proactive. Why else would god both give us free will while also maintaining that he is able to accurately predict every decision and move we will make? No it doesn’t make any sense that the pharaoh was guilty of not letting Moses leave Egypt because god had harden his heart in order for him to have to make that particular decision (Exodus 9). Didn’t I already say that sanity is overrated? All I know is that we all have free will to do exactly as god dictated. All other details can just go and butcher themselves!
I love the freedom of speech. It’s been a long time since I looked up what the thing really says, but the name of it alone is descriptive, is it not? I detest those who make noise when I try to exercise my freedom to not have to face the consequences of whatever speech I make. It is hate speech to call out my public condemnation of what gay people do behind their own doors. Those people don’t deserve any tolerance unless they can also tolerate my intolerance!
Down with the Darwinists who protest when I advocate survival of the fittest in real life community! Sure Jesus said to turn the other cheek, but his Dad said an eye deserves an eye in response. And dad trumps son, as far as I’m concerned. Down with pro-choicers when I say it is justifiable homicide to murder the living murderers of unborn life! I know Jesus said to render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, but we haven’t got any Caesar now except for Sid. And I don’t listen to Sid when I don’t feel like laughing, so that’s obsolete. I couldn’t care less about the actual laws, it’s the laws that I think god wanted that should be practiced! And to hell with those trying to stop war in the Middle-East or global climate change! God predicted Armageddon, who are they to try to prevent one?
But it’s late now, so I’m going to bed with my end-of-the-day prayer:
God, smite those who smile at me crookedly because they didn’t get my straight jokes. If possible, would you also bunch up the ‘not coveting the neighbor’s wife’ together with the ‘not coveting anything belonging to the neighbor’, so that you can add ‘Thou shalt laugh at my disciples’ jokes’ as the 10th commandment?
Also, forgive me my sins so that I can have the high ground to go forth and keep on freely condemning the sinning others on your behave. Give me my daily bread, and be sure to give the baker his small pox if he doesn’t remember to put the appropriate amount of sesame seed on it (the miserable brat!).
Yes, yes, this is my twisted flavor of a joke. I’m not a religious fundie.