An open letter to teachers regarding Christmas Beak:
Well the good news is that holidays are almost upon us and we will soon be getting a much needed break from the cretins , I mean students. The other good news is the school district has decided to help your bank accounts.
By giving you bonuses? Okay, you really have to stop drinking before you come to school. Or at least cut back on the bourbon you put in your morning coffee.
Bonuses? You will get a bonus just after the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus get married, after Superman flies you around the earth, when you can ice skate in hell and the School District gives you that Mercedes for being Teacher of the Year.
By the way, the school board has upped the award for being Teacher of the Year and instead of two free slurpies at Circle K, the Teacher of the Year will be given a gift certificate to the Dollar Store. Amount yet to be determined.
No, the school board has decided to improve your financial situation by cutting your two week Christmas Vacation back to one day – Christmas. Of course Christmas does come on a Saturday this year , but we will close the school at noon on that Friday, Christmas Eve.
And with only one day off for Christmas, you do not have to buy that expensive plane ticket or stagecoach ticket to see your family in East Jesus, Texas or What Happened,New Mexico. Face it, two weeks with Uncle Walter spitting tobacco, Aunt Betty taking you to the feed store for clothes shopping and Cousin Carl showing off his new tattoos would have driven you over the edge anyway. And as we all know, it is the students’ job to drive you over the edge.
But why only one day for Christmas? It seems that it is illegal to give you two weeks off for Christmas, and even though we call it the “Holiday Break”, we couldn’t fool those people at the ACLU – the Americans Civil Liberties Union who have correctly pointed out that Christmas is a religious holiday. Even worse a Christian Religious Holiday which means that if schools close for Christian Holidays, by right, they should also close for all other religious holidays, including holidays celebrated by fringe religious groups like the Church Of Let’s Catch a Rattle Snake and Eat it for the Greater Glory of God.
The bottom line according to the ACLU is that America is based on the separation of church and state and that state employees- that would include teachers – have no right to be paid for two weeks off for ANY religious holidays. Yes, this does not bode well for Easter Break either.
We are against this decision and were tempted to fight for your “Holiday Break” and even take it all the way to the Supreme Court. But then the School Board and the Administration saw what it would cost to hire HIGH COST lawyers to fight the ACLU. The Administrators deciided the money for legal fees would be better spent going to retreats in Bermuda and Paris – Whoops, we mean EDUCATIONAL RETREATS in Bermuda and Paris, than fighting for your silly little two weeks off.
Anyway, suck it up, go to school, put up with the little urchins, we mean students, during those two weeks and we will even look the other way as you load your coffee up with bourbon, or even better, just add a little coffee to your bourbon.
Thanks for your understanding, but is getting close to winter and the administration will soon be packing its bags for that educational conference in the British Virgin Islands.