A phenomenon occurs after a couple gets married. They become content, they stop feeling they have to try anymore and taking each other for granted is common. All couples experience this fact and unless they recognize the “do’s and don’ts” they could damage their relationship.
The national statistics on marriage indicate that 55% will end up in divorce. They say the other 45% is unhappy but stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids, finances or fear of being alone.
It seems that finding a truly happy marriage is rare and very uncommon. If you could find such a couple that are happy, what is their secret to a happy marriage?
There are too many do’s and don’ts to list, but I have listed the top ten:
Don’t believe to yourself that, “I have got you now, you are all mine”. This belief is the most common mistake couples make which I believe is the root of all other future problems.
Couples get too comfortable, relaxed and stop working on the relationship. The chase is gone and unfortunately, the couple slides into a destructive settling, a false fulfillment and feeling of content.
Don’t try to change the other person. Once people start living with each other, they start to learn the little things they do not like about the other person and want to change. This is normal.
However, you truly are in love with that person, so that means you love whom and what they are, and who they are is a result of all the experiences they have gone through in their life that made up their personality, causes them to do all the little things they do and their habits, good or bad.
You cannot change a person, and if you try, it will only lead to resentment and damage your relationship. This does not mean you cannot tell the other person that you do not like something about them. When you plant a suggestion, eventually on his or her own, the other person may change. If they do not, live with it.
Don’t try to have all the power or want to have all the say so and want to be in command. No one person should be in charge because a marriage is a joint effort. The truth is, there are things a man can do that a woman cannot do, and there are things a woman can do that a man cannot do, so the key is to work side by side using each of your talents for the betterment of the relationship.
Don’t refuse to let it go, forgive and forget. There will be disagreements, arguments and fights. This is part of life, your growth together as a couple and this can have a bonding effect that will seal your lives together forever. Do not let your pride and ego stand in the way of creating a loving sincere moment of showing how much you love each other by forgiving and forgetting. The greatest words you can say during an argument are “I was wrong, and I am sorry”. Those truthful words carry a powerful feeling that will touch the heart of your partner.
Don’t ever forget how you felt in the beginning of your relationship. As your lives grow together, it is necessary to have many reminders of the beginning when times were perfect in both of your eyes. Pictures always tell a thousand words and can take you back in time when your love was fresh and new, look at them often. Music you danced to, your favorite hangouts and inspiration point. Visit them time and again and keep your love alive so you never forget.
Do love them more than yourself. If this could be possible, there would never be another divorce, period.
Do show affection. Always kiss, hug and make love. We have all seen the elderly couple in the park barely able to walk and holding hands with each other. It is a touching sight to see and eternal lessons are learned from watching them.
Affection is one of the greatest ways to communicate and all couples need that touch and feel of warmth, caring and love from their partner.
Do invest time into the relationship. Dating your spouse like the way you did when you were actually dating is necessary. Treat each other as if you are still childhood sweethearts and never take each other for granted.
Do grow and build life together. “The most important work that you and I will ever do is within the walls of our own homes”. (Harold B. Lee)
Working to support your family is part of building life together. Providing for your family’s needs is vital. It is part of life that binds you together that you work hard, support and provide. Keep in mind that, “There is no other success that can compensate for failure in the home”. (Spencer W. Kimball)
Couples should have hobbies and interests that they can enjoy together. Anything where there is a feeling of accomplishment, success and triumph together.
Do pray together. That common saying that “The family who prays together, stays together” may have more merit than we give credit.
The family unit is ordained of God, and I believe that there can be beauty all around when there is love at home and inviting the Spirit into your home through prayer will provide great blessings.
After we say, “I do”, a lifelong journey together begins. There will certainly be difficulties, trails and errors, accomplishments and failures, but if you are together, you are invincible.
Think for a moment about what you would do if suddenly the world was given a 2-minute warning and that all life as we knew would end. What would you do? Would your career be important? Would money, your car and all your treasures mean anything to you, of course not? I believe each and everyone one of us would in an instant completely disregard any ill feelings, petty little dislikes and conflicts we had with each other. For those last two minutes, we would hold onto our one and only, the love of our life and our family and be able to face anything together, even the end.
It should not have to take a tragedy or the world ending for us to see clearly. So why are there so many divorces and unhappy couples? I think we all know that answers.
Article also posted on Triond.com by Scott Hallock