A group of hardened London gangsters risk loosing it all when a dangerous group of foreign businessmen make them an offer to purchase their new gentleman’s club and set up their own racket. Unwilling to allow them to just purchase the club but unable to ignore a lucrative wager, the gangsters agree to pit their best bare-knuckle brawler against a fighter chosen by the businessmen. Unfortunately, that particular choice turns out to be a towering monster of a man…literally.
Loosing to the club and the life of their mate to the ruthless businessmen, the gangsters discover the bet was rigged and the outcome was predetermined by a traitor within their midst. Turns out the club isn’t as important as the land its on, land that once belonged to the businessmen hundreds of years prior!
A war must now be waged, hoodlum against creatures of the night, gangsters against vampires. The criminal underworld offers no second chances, you’re either dead cert or you’re just plain dead.
I’m not entirely certain why but I’d originally assumed Dead Cert would end up being more of a horror comedy, something resembling From Dusk Til Dawn with a lower budget a cast of Cockney hard men. Not that that’s a bad thing but I’m a bit burned out on horror comedies, they seem to be a dime a dozen these days. I really wanted something along the lines of a film combining Snatch and 30 Days of Night with the prerequisite cameo by cast-whore Danny Dyer, just for the ‘ell of it. I’m happy to say, I got a gritty UK crime flick with hard men, vampires, hot women and…yeah you guessed it…Danny Dyer. I wish I could tell you what Dyer’s role in this film is but I was completely lost. Who was he? What did he have to do with the gangsters? Why did Freddy ‘Dead Cert’ Frankham have to see him and what info on the vampires was he looking for? Who knows!
I wouldn’t say Dead Cert was amazing or anything and certainly isn’t a game changing horror film but it was definitely interesting and quite entertaining; nothing says “put a smile on my face” like strippers and gangsters. Throw some throat-ripping, Euro vampires and a cliche “Crazy Ralph” character into the mix and you’ve got yourself something worth checking out, at the very least once if you’re not a vampire fan.
The production values on Dead Cert were all well above what I expected (aside from some sound level issues), the vampire and FX convincing and the acting was about average for B-movie horror. I think what I really liked was the life they attempted to breathe into the vampire myth by establishing that a vampire bite only transforms one into the undead after the victim has died, so if you happen to be bitten and live till 80 years old, you’ll suffer no ill effects until death. Another addition was the concept that it’s belief that repels the vampire. Crosses don’t work unless you believe in them, pictures of family don’t work unless they’re still living and so on. Very cool twists.
I’d check Dead Cert out again if the opportunity presented itself but I don’t think I’ll be purchasing this film for my collection though. I can’t see vampire and crime fans not enjoying this as it was a good horror flick but not quite good enough for me to own, you know? I say give it a shot!