Ever wonder what happened to those old drive-in exploitation flicks that rejoiced in loads of cheap tawdry sex, tons of lesbian love scenes and boobs, boobs and more boobs with a couple tight panties thrown in for good measure? I do all the time and not just because I like boobs but also because I dig the tight panties. These films were never pretentious and always provided the viewers with exactly what they came to see. Story sometimes took a backseat to the skin and violence but on occasion you got all three.
Well…these kind films just aren’t being made any longer. Whether it’s the changes in the political atmosphere or personal feelings of responsibility, there’s just not much exploitation made. If you’d like to watch the next best thing though, grab a copy of The Halfway House. This movie has more exposed nipples than a breast feeding training seminar! We get tight panties…boobs…lesbians…a monster, Mary Woronov and some H.P. Lovecraft. For most, the name Woronov is good enough.
The story is fairly simple and reminiscent of the 1974 nunsploitationer, School of the Holy Beast. Girls are going missing in a local area and quite a few are from the Mary Magdalen Halfway House for Troubled Girls. Larissa Morgan (Janet Tracy Keijser) decides to go undercover with the help of Sgt. Dick Sheen (I am NOT making that up!) and infiltrates the halfway house in hopes of discovering who’s behind her sister’s disappearance.
Once she’s accepted into the halfway house she quickly finds out who rules the roost. After a botched escape attempt, Cherry Pie (Stephanie Leighs) is left without a protector/girlfriend (the original goes missing) and the lesbians immediately make their move. Before damage can be done Larissa lays down the law then “lays down” with Cherry.
Of course, Larrisa begins sleuthing as well, digging here and there while dodging the skanky, retard janitor Lutkus (Cleve Hall) and Sister Cecelia (Mary Woronov). Clues start to lead Larissa to believe that Lutkus is responsible for the disappearances and all signs point to a mysterious room in the basement of the halfway house. Sister Cecelia has a dangerous agenda and Lutkus is just her lackey. Beware The Elder Gods!
There’s priestly spankings, shower scenes and a heavenly lesbian fellatio scene. I’m sure some of you sexist pigs will agree that we see very little lesbian action nowadays. The acting was stiff and goofy, our lead heroine appears to be slightly bowed legged, the dashing young police hero looks like a softcore porn leftover and the legendary Mary Woronov gets Lovecraftian on our asses!! If you can find a better exploitation film made in 2005, lemme know!
This was a trashy, campy, competently made masterpiece of filth and I now proudly display it on my DVD shelf. This won’t be winning any awards…fact is…it won’t even get many middle fingers. This was exploitation and b-movie filmmaking at its best (or worst) and I loved it. The director knew he wasn’t making a timeless classic or an Oscar contender so he gave up the goodies! One standout scene has the halfway house priest, Father Fogerty (Jospeh Tatner) spanking two semi-nude Latinas with a big black paddle that reads JESUS on it. As he paddles them he has them chant “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS ME!!” It was breathtaking. The power of Christ compels YOU to rent this movie!