So I’m back in New York City and boy am I glad to be here! It’s been just more than three years since I’ve lived in the big City with any particular amount of zeal and it’s still fairly well the same. There are three things I’ve noticed, all of which are connected in some abstract way in my mind.
Honking: One a solitary note there seems to be more honking. “More honking,” you say, “in New York City?!?” Yes, it’s true. But it’s not legitimate honking, like at a poor driver or listless pedestrian who’s lingering too far into the street. Nope, it’s a different kind of honking. More like an annoyed, childish honk. I’ll get back to that in a minute.
Starbucks Tables: Getting a table at Starbucks in Manhattan has always been challenging. It’s the same everywhere truthfully. And yes, I’ve heard that Starbucks corporate has said they want to do away with the 12 hour sitting, one coffee drinking type (me) and have greater turnover. Can you blame them? So Starbucks corporate has said they’re doing fewer stores with more seating and more stores with more merchandise. I can’t cite that, I talk to a lot of Starbucks employees so I may have heard that through the grapevine. Anyway, that’s not even the point; there are still many tables and chairs to be had in Manhattan Starbucks. no this problem is that rather than their being one or two computer heads and a good mix of others, it’s like everyone goes to Starbucks in Manhattan to hang out, plan their next move, type an Associated Content article, do streaming video chat, hold a prayer vigil, sell someone something, and on and on. I walked into three different Starbucks just now before landing this seat at the Starbucks at Broadway and 63rd Street. Granted it’s mid-day but still.
Narcissistic Self-Indulgent Sociopathic Youth: Here’s the crux of this problem. Taking up the tables at Starbucks, causing the petty horn honks, and ruining the mood for New York City in general are these narcissistic, self-indulgent, sociopathic youth. They are also completely focused inward which I guess I blame on Olivia Newton John and Ronald Regan but that’s the program. All these kids brought up on acoustic guitar hymns against war and vanity during Morning in America have now come of age and are inflicting a war on our better sensibilities. They’ve got cabbies honking for no reason, they’re taking up tables en masse at Starbucks, and they also feel as though the world owes them something.
As an example these two narcissistic, self-indulgent, sociopathic young ladies in high heels and splatter print skirts were walking out of this Starbucks that I’m currently in as I was entering the joint. Of course, being the gentleman I am I held the door open for them and waited for them both to walk through. When the second girl had entered, I stepped inside in back of her on her left and the back of her left leg “grazed” my shoe. I say grazed because in truth I didn’t even feel it. These two young ladies sure took their time alighting one step to the street and neither of them said “thank you” for my holding the door for their spectacle. Still, I turned when she said in “Ououh!” in as whiny and high-pitched voice as you can imagine and said “I’m sorry.” But it wasn’t over there. Nope, because her calm had been broken, her sense of self had been invaded, her reality had been shaken. She turned to me and her friend stopped short and the girl who I’d encountered said, “Geeze, what the fuck man?!?” I repeated “I’m sorry,” knowing full well that the second of these two Barbie look-alikes had come looking for a fight. I had been chosen by the narcissistic, self-indulgent, sociopathic youth at this location for this time, I had arrived.
But I wasn’t going to fight this fight. I demurred and just ambled in on my way to where I sit. Why the hell do we let kids out of the house before their 29? Really, you don’t know anything about life, you don’t know anything about common courtesy or general decency, and you don’t know how to behave among adults in the real world. The world is overpopulated anyway, why don’t we just make a deserted island reality TV show for every kid who’s under the age of 30 and is still single. We should insulate the girls with diaphragms we should super glue condoms to the boys, and we should throw them all on a deserted island somewhere. Whoever survives the ordeal gets to come back to the real world. Everyone else? Dust and bones.