After nine long, overly-chronicled years, Britain’s Prince William has finally given Kate Middleton an engagement ring. Why the long wait? So that Middleton could “back out if she needed to,” joked the charming offspring of Princess Diana with a chuckle that exposed his awful British grill. The reality is that he probably ‘put a ring on it’ so that the beautiful Middleton would no longer have the opportunity to realize that his own looks are beginning to go, well, the way of his father, to put it kindly.
Really, wasn’t William once a good-looking kid? I hate to be a shallow lookist, but now that years of royal incest is starting to rear its ugly head, William is starting to rear his… ugly head! He’s now like one of the boys from “Home Improvement.” You know the ones who were all cute in the first couple of seasons and then, suddenly, one day you’re looking at three hideous pubescent beasts towering over a grunting Tim Allen. I mean, seriously folks, Prince William starting to look like a friggin’ Monty Python cartoon!
But I digress. The much anticipated royal wedding ceremony was assumed to be taking place in Westminster Abbey sometime in 2012, but the regal couple says that they will instead donate the money that they intended to spend on the wedding to various charities. Oh, sorry, that last part only takes place in the parallel universe that I wish we lived in.
Until next time, keep your head hidden in the bushes and your eyes on the stars.