I’ve already described a little about boys in the throws of puberty affliction. Nasal and back hair growth, odor, and hormones in complete control of boys’ language skills, was discussed in a previous article. Today’s topic of interest is about puberty affliction and how, despite what other genders may think, it creates a keen sense of priorities in boys. And by “keen” I mean “stupid.”
Imagine the mental state of a pre-pubescent boy. Priorities are simple. See frog, catch frog. See mud, roll in mud. See traffic, dodge traffic. Then literally overnight he wakes up caring what his hair looks like. Puberty affliction has struck, and yes it’s that fast. It hits boys all over the world like a Mach truck and there’s no time to figure out what the hell is going on.
I remember it well, if not fondly. Puberty affliction caused me to primp everywhere, and it didn’t matter who was watching. I was like the movie Grease with a perpetual smooth pose, combing an errant hair or two. Girls thought it was great, because when not in use, I stored my comb in a back pocket. About once a week or so I’d lose one to a comb-snatching, snickering, and beautiful-as-the-sunrise girl. So of course I didn’t mind. I just kept a drawer full of combs. Odd isn’t it? One of the first priorities I set after the onset of puberty affliction was keeping the Goodie comb company in business. I’m still waiting for a thank you letter.
Hair was just the first confusion. Another was why did I suddenly want to impress girls in the first place? I mean, just a few short days before I considered them, with just some minor clothing differences, as confusing boys. Then, along with perfectly parted and feathered hair, I had intense priorities to be around girls, and get to know them. But guys don’t get to know people! We just do things together!
For you girls out there, this should explain why early teen boys acted so juvenile. Puberty affliction told us to impress you, so we tried. Trouble was, we didn’t know what, exactly, would accomplish this. We already knew boys are impressed with amazing feats of physical prowess, such as a balancing headstand on a bicycle seat, or maybe falling off of said seat from attempting said headstand. So this is where we started. Priorities weighed heavily in this kind of activity and puberty affliction is to blame. And after performing such an agile maneuver, a boy generally looks up expectantly from the pavement at girls for approval. Or maybe even awe. Instead, they see rolling eyes and hear comments like, “This is why I date juniors.” Puberty affliction is a cruel boss; it gives priorities but no instructions.
On the flip side, all girls had to do to impress boys was be girls.
The onset of puberty affliction caused these kinds of priorities for boys: spend a month’s salary on combs instead of, say, saving for college. Or risk broken bones to get a girl’s grin rather than keeping our feet on the ground and legs out of casts. So when you see a boy in the pangs of puberty affliction, you can understand a little more what’s going on in his dizzy mind, made that way by priorities spinning in tornado-like mayhem. And you can think to yourself that, after a few years, he’ll straighten out and understand girls and priorities better. You’d be thinking wrong.
Personal experience (I bet some of you thought this would be about puberty affliction causing uncontrollabe sex drives!)