Men and their ponytails. Men and their long nappy hair. Men’s grooming products have come so far and yet the man ponytail still swings around town like a forgotten trend still lingering…lingering like a can of leftover tuna fish that is.
I have to wonder if my repulsion for such ponytails is sparked by jealousy. My luscious locks lose some of their brilliance next to the man ponytails. These men are trespassing in the land of women. How dare they.
After seeing an ole hippie man sporting a ponytail on the stationary bike at the gym today, I nearly ran into the long water fountain line. (Dang those gym rats who bring their empty 48 oz water bottles to fill up at the slowest water fountain station EVER). But what really got me is this- men with ponytails workout? True I have never seen an obese ponytail man, or even just a man with long hair who was overweight, but they’re into exercise?
The entire stereotype of men with ponytails is diminishing. Ponytailed men are not just Harley Davidson bikers, not just Native Americans with braids, not just strange men who smoke and lead mysterious lives. Men with long hair are Americans who care about their health and fitness levels.
What else do they do?
Do they use special deep conditioners to keep their hair from being frizzy?
Do they like to swing their pony’s to the side on days when life feels a bit boring?
Do they wake up in the morning and decide I should part it THIS way today?
Do men with ponytails use no tangle colored rubber bands that match their outfits?
Could men with ponytails ever be considered metrosexual? Or are they just lazy?
If they ride in a car with the top down do they worry their hair style will blow out too much?
And how about baseball hats. . .do they stick the ponytail through the hole in the back? (where else could it go?)
And haircuts? I can imagine a man with a ponytail playing with his hair, looking down and think “Wow I have a lot of dead ends, I really need a trim.”
Where in the heck do they go to their hair trimmed? Hair Cuttery?
If they get in a bar fight will another guy pull their hair? Is that aginst man code?
Any why must it always be the low ponytail on men…why not be brave and wear a high ponytail?
Ahh the mystery of men with ponytails. Mysterious men’s grooming. Perhaps someday I will meet a man with a long haired ponytail who is willing to reveal the secret lives of such men. Until then, I hope they step up the competition a bit and start brushing their hair more than once a week. Brusha Brusha Brusha.