Don’t you love it when people say we have a “situation” here? When someone speaks of a situation, they may be talking about anything from a world crisis because thieves stole a nuclear warhead to the man at the bank saying you’ve not balanced your checkbook properly. If someone calls me on the phone and says we have a situation, I want him putting an adverb in there somewhere to alert me what level of panic to prepare for.
A friend of mine who lives in the next county told me the house behind his burned the other night. As he put it, “Slap down to the ground.” I thought about it a minute and remembered that there was a volunteer fire station not half a mile from his house, so I asked him why they didn’t respond to the fire. “Oh, they did. In fact, they sent three trucks, but none of the trucks had any water. So they just had to sit and watch it burn to the ground.”
I saw in an article in “The Oxford Eagle” that five-year old Andrew Polasky won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage. For winning, Andrew received a calendar, a $25 gift certificate to a local restaurant called the Moose’s Tooth, and a moose cutout to hang on his wall. I’m not exactly sure how one calls a moose, but if it needs to be loud, I know a few children I might recommend getting involved in next year’s contest. I figure they’ve got a really good shot at that title.
Why does no one own a pet shark? I mean, you’re always hearing about people having all kinds of weird pets, but I’ve never heard of anyone having a shark for a pet. If people are willing to keep a pet such as a tiger that can rip you to shreds with a couple of good swipes with his claws, what’s the difference? At least, if you get tired of your shark as a pet, you can always feed him to your cat.
I’ve determined during my exhaustive research (well, actually, I just thought about it a while) that small towns with excessive town funds have to find some way to spend it. Here in our small town, they move stoplights around. And for variety, they’ll occasionally change an intersection with a 4-way stop sign into one with a stoplight. Then after a while, they may go back and put it back the way it was. My reasoning tells me that either they have way too much money, too many employees with time on their hands, or a person in charge who has a great deal of trouble making a decision at a McDonald’s when they ask him if he wants fries with that burger.
Oxford, Mississippi is hosting their annual 10-minute Play Festival. It’s become a traditional film festival where writers from all over can submit an original piece of work and after the winners are chosen, there are a number of them featured at a local playhouse. I once wrote one and thought about submitting it, but before I did, I got a few people together to see how it would work on stage. Although I had written the play for a ten-minute performance, by the time these slow-talking Southerners got the words out, thing turned out to be 30 minutes long. Oh, well.
Hope everyone has a great week, and thanks for reading.
“The Oxford Eagle” newspaper