I swear it; I really tried to sleep tonight. My head was already nestled nice and snug on my pillow, the blankets were pulled up around my chin and I even had my earplugs in. I was set to get some much needed shut eye after hours of working and then further hours of yawning my butt off.
My eyes were closed and I could feel my body relax finally. “Oh joyous me, finally sweet relaxation here I come!” I thought to myself and was ready to kiss Mr. Sandman hello. Only it wasn’t the Sandman who came to visit, but the wicked little muse who lives somewhere beneath my bed. At least that is where I assume that little imp must live, because it always wants to get active when I am ready to sleep.
So I am trying to doze off and my ex-husband is already starting his little symphony of sounds that have an amazing arrangement of toots and whistles when I get those stupid thoughts running through my head. They are like little nagging flies who just buzz over me and around me and no matter how much I try to swat those little buggers aside, they just keep coming.
I can feel the urge to giggle rise up in me and quickly clamp my hand over my mouth. My ex-husband can be quiet grouchy when woken up, so I silently sneak out of my bed and make my way to the computer. Now I am sure you are wondering what made me giggle, aren’t you?
Well here goes nothing. You remember all those different “writer’s wisdoms” you have probably heard throughout your journey into the literary universe? Or maybe you even heard them from your English teacher when you were just a little grasshopper. For some goofy ass reason some of them kept floating into my head and with them came the “side notes” as I like to call them.
Side notes being my own intake on well known wisdoms which my sometimes too analytical brain when overtired loves to question. So here without further ado welcome to my insomniac writer’s brain.
Cross your t’s and dot your i’s.
I know that this little wisdom calls us to paying attention and means that you must always make certain your work is precise and not slobby, but when you take it literal it gets a little amusing. In the computer and keyboard age now it is rather difficult not to do what we are advised to do. I mean have you ever tried to type a t without the “cross through” at the top? Ever tried to type out a word which includes the lovely letter “i” without the dot? Well maybe the “i” is possible as long as you capitalize it, but other then that…
Mind your P’s and Q’s!
Again I am well aware that we are talking about minding your manners here, but my overtired brain can’t help but wonder what happens if I don’t mind those two letters of the alphabet. Do they suddenly go wild and throw an indecent party? Can they wreck havoc if my eye is not firmly planted on them and I monitor their every step? Are they indeed so dangerous that they need constant minding? You can see my dilemma, can’t you? My curiosity almost dares me to not mind them for a short period of time, just to see what would happen. Oh well…
Use your spellchecker!
Well it is a lovely tool, but does it really deserve to be used? I mean doesn’t it have feelings too? What if it doesn’t feel like working in the middle of the night and is just as tired of being awake as I am. Does it have migraines and is that the reason it doesn’t seem to want to catch what I am trying to say, but purposefully overlooks the mistakes I type? Does it just have a sick sense of humor and finds it amusing to watch me try to “tie a victim up with a robe” instead of a rope? Does it get a giggle out of me wondering: “Who this is made” instead of how? Personally I think that it gets it vengeance on us writers this way.
Write dialog in the way you speak!
Now that is just plain asking for trouble with me. I am well known for butchering harmless phrases and quotes. I mean for the longest time I wanted to teach someone things one on one, instead of 101. Now take my accent into account and you may just find yourself in a situation where I would want you to come to the store with me in order to buy “mouse wash” instead of mouthwash. Don’t belief me? Ask my kids, they were there and are still years later delighting in telling all their friends about it. Oh and my ex-husband and now friend doesn’t “saw logs”. Oh no, he is much more industrious then that according to me. He saws the log cabins! Shakes head. See what I mean? This may work wonderful for the native English speaker, but when it comes to me, maybe not such a good idea. At least that is when I am tired and really get going. Can you imagine living in my house? Just grab a notebook and a pen; you will get an entire joke book with “Regina’s phrasings” in less then two month. No thanks required I aim to please!
Now those are just a few examples of what had me chuckle. That and of course that the saddest “animal” on earth must be a Teddy Bear with nobody to cuddle it. I mean do you think it actually sits on the Store Shelves or forgotten corners and cries? I know I do.. I used to be someone’s Teddy Bear!
Ok, I am glad I got this out of my system. Thanks for following along on my little journey into insanity. I hope that you got a chuckle out of it, if nothing else.
Sweet dreams, I am going to bed. Unless that damn imp is still awake, then I might be back.