Sometimes your kids will ask you the oddest things when you least expect them. Like, “Dad, what do I do when the dishwasher overflows and it made the car crash into a telephone pole somehow?” Or,” Dad, the cat was running up and down the stairs and dropped your Ipod into the toilet.” Things like this happen now and then, and after awhile you gain enough of a thick skin that nothing your child says will surprise you. I thought I had this skin thick as I could get it until yesterday morning when I was driving my boy to school. There I am, ready to make a textbook right hand turn through an intersection when I feel this sharp stinging in my right shoulder. After assuring myself that it’s not a heart attack, I realize that he had just struck me rather violently in the shoulder. I look at him in shock and astonishment and then instinctually cover my ears as he yells out the words, “PUNCH BUGGY!”
For those of you that are not aware of what I am about to tell you, please sit down; far away from any automobiles. You might get caught with an errant closed fist. Because you see, the people at Volkswagen started this hateful tradition of every time someone in the passenger seat of a motor vehicle sees a Volkswagen, notably the Beetle; they are compelled to strike violently the driver of the vehicle in which they are driving. Yes, let’s potentially cause the driver of the two ton piece of metal we are hurtling down the road in at a high rate of speed to become temporarily discombobulated. This has got to be some sort of marketing campaign gone horribly wrong. But there is more. Upon being stuck fistually by your passenger, and yes fistually is a real word, your assailant will then yell out the color of the vehicle that they spotted. Then go back to acting normal. There has to be some sort of visual drugging going on here that makes people act so violently in an otherwise innocent situation. It only seems to happen with Volkswagens though. You never see people punching other people over a Ford. Most of the time those people are too busy kicking themselves.
But amidst all of this passive aggressive violent behavior, my son broke through the German Engineering induced haze. He looks at me and asks if there are people that buy Volkswagens and drive them around for the purpose of watching people in other cars punch each other. Wow. What a profound theory on human behavior. To think that someone would pay thousands of dollars for a device that propels them to other locations to watch people be kinda sorta violent to each other. I think he’s right though. It’s gotta be the only reason. People can’t be that stoked to buy a car without a radiator. Or that looks like a painted bubble dome. Maybe it’s a great way to relieve stress. So next time you buy a car, it might be a fun idea to get a Beetle. All the fun of a boxing match, right at every stoplight.